[USER]

I obsessively check retirement calculators and our net worth on Mint daily, to the point that it’s a strain on my marriage. My wife stays at home with the little ones as her after tax salary was almost equal to two kids in daycare. It feels like we’re falling farther away from our goal of buying a house in our HCOL (Boston).

Me (37M) and Wife (35F)
2 kids aged 2 and 4

My Income: 120K/year; ends up being 4k / month after taxes, insurance, and FSA

Expenses:
Rent: 2,000
Utilities/Internet: 200
Groceries: 700
Gas/Insurance: 300
Assets=750K
401k: 330K
Traditional IRA: 150K
Roth IRA: 50K
529s: 20K
Taxable brokerage: 100k
HYSA: 100k

No debt other than credit cards paid in full every month.

Maxing 401k and IRA but no other savings.  Feels like we are living a poverty lifestyle with 20 year old Toyotas and shopping clearance aisle for groceries just to reach FIRE.

[Juliana]

Since you’re asking for a sanity check, checking your net worth daily simply isn’t healthy if it’s causing enough anxiety to affect your emotional health and your marriage. And moreover, as another person mentioned, here is another reality check: this is not a poverty lifestyle. Not by far.

If it feels that way to you because you’re not gaining ground in your FIRE goals, that’s something you should think more about. Since you’re in an HCOL, do you have good public schools?

Maybe worry a little less about FIRE for the next couple years until the daycare costs are off your household balance sheet, and then you can start cooking with gas again.

But you’re in your 30s with 750K in assets.

You’re doing fine. You will be okay. Deep breaths.

[Vanda]

Since you mentioned it- poverty lifestyle looks a LOT different.

Also, when kids go to school, wife can return to work and with two incomes and it will be and feel better.

[Roxy]

You are one year away from kindergarten! Once you only have to provide child care cost for 1 kid and maybe after school for the second then your wife can go back to work. Imagine you keep doing what you are doing and what she brings in is now expendable income. You are in a great place. When the kids get older it will get easier. This is temporary.

-Mom of 4.

[Author]

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