[USER]

So my father rents out a house from me. It is fully paid off. He was pretty much paying me what he wanted for the past 2 years which was 2k a month for rent.

Now my sister decided to quit her job and move with her whole family back to our country. They are both fully able to work there but I guess refuse not to.

Anyways, my dad is now only paying me 1k a month in rent. I have access to his accounts and see he is giving her thousands of dollars.(pretty much most of what he has as he doesn’t make much).

How should I bring this up to him if at all? Should I just bite the 1k a month.

I feel really uneasy about this. My sister and I are not close. Also my sister does not like my dad at all and probably would not even talk to him let alone ask him for money so it’s all on him I think.

I am thinking just to ask him why it dropped down to 1k and see if he lies about it…but then what…

[Christine]

I think you need to ask yourself- what is your goal? Then we can best advise you.

[Annie]

As a daughter, sister, and mother: keep your relationship with your dad separate from your relationship with your sister and his relationship with your sister. It’s fine to ask why the amount dropped. It’s NOT fine to say “I know you are giving [sister] money”. That’s none of your business. If you want a lease with a stated rent, then do that.

If you want your dad to be happy, then don’t get into his personal relationships with other people.

[Sue]

Whether he gives your sister money or not is not your business. But whether he pays you what you need for rent is your business.

I would tell him you need to settle on a specific amount — whether that is $1K, $2K or somewhere in between — and let that be the guiding principle.

Not what he’s doing with the rest of his money.

[Sandra]

Depends on a few things. What does it cost you to maintain the home he rents? What is the market value for rent? Do you have an agreement even verbal that he will pay $2k and what was that based on? Is this reduction from $2k to $1k a hardship for you?

I would probably talk to him and tell him you have come to count on getting that $2k per month, and what is his plan for future rent? That gives him room to respond without you trying to or inadvertently catching him in a lie.

[Erika]

So, this means your sister in intent on using you and your father?

This situation often leads to financial elder abuse. Your sister needs to leave the property. I’m a Florida Professional Guardian so this is where my opinion is coming from.

[Tali]

Is the sister living in your house? Is she looking for a job?

Seems to me your father feels like he’s giving you money. It’s your return on the house which is an investment.

So, I guess the question is are you willing to give your Dad the house for that little.

Has nothing to do with your sister unless she’s living there.

Need some clarification to help further.

[Catherine]

Not sure what part of the country you live in but 2k is a lot for a house for an elderly person to afford to begin with. Shouldn’t an exact amount have been settled on from the get go? And I agree with some who have said you should probably leave your sister out of this but not only did your dad reduce the amount of money u get but he’s basically giving your money to your sister now.

[Bill]

Just ask him “you paid a different amount recently. Is this going to be your new plan going forward?” And then listen to what he says. Don’t bring up your sister.

Personally, I’d be ear marking all his rent money for future care just in case. It’s very common for older parents to get fleeced by broke children and notoriously hard to prevent.

[Vanessa]

Why do you have access to his accounts? Are you managing his money? Did you tell him he can pay you whatever he wants?

I personally wouldn’t tell him your checking his account and questioning why he’s giving money to your sister. That wouldn’t sit well with me if you were my child.

However, if there is a way you can get him to bring it up then maybe you can question him about it.

If that $1,000 is most his money and you’re wanting to help him I would convince him to save that money for himself for future use.

[Nadia]

If he is giving all his money to her, what will happen when he is unable to care for himself? Are you willing to foot the bill for his potential health issues because he wasted his money on a freeloader?

In the end you will be forced to either pay for his expenses or let him fend for himself but plenty of elderly folks end up homeless because they either never saved or mismanaged their money.

Best to be honest with him. Explain to him that he is being used, that he needs to think about himself and his health as he needs that money, explain that your able bodied sister does not need nor deserve to be monetarily supported by him and in turn you (since you’re now receiving less monthly).

[Sarita]

Can I ask, if you didn’t have access to his bank account and didn’t find out he was giving your sister money, how would you have reacted? I’m wondering if you would have the same reaction not knowing vs. knowing. You mentioned in another comment that he could stay rent free if needed so that is why I’m curious.

[Crys]

This is a slippery slope. If it will hurt your dad financially, I would probably approach it from a place of concern for his retirement and future possible medical needs etc. If it isn’t to his detriment and you aren’t needing the extra 1k, I’d probably let him learn on his own.

[Michael]

Sounds like too many people living in each other’s budgets. If you address the rent with your Dad…it’s about the rent. Who cares what your sister earns (or doesn’t) how your Dad spends his money (or doesn’t). Life works better when people stay in their lane.

[Jule]

Don’t bring up your sister, only address the rent. Ask him that rent was only partially paid and he’s still due $2000 a month. Don’t mix in family issues with business, although you already did, but keep it as clean as possible.

[Author]

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