[USER]

I am 34 and struggling with my mentality toward working. I hope this doesn’t come off as just another lazy person of my generation and am really just looking for if I need to snap out of this or if I’m justified in how I feel. If you choose to read all of this, thank you!

I’ll start with my financials:
HYSA: 25K
Brokerage: $110K
Roth IRA: $40K
Trad IRA: $80K
Crypto: $10K

No debt aside from mortgage at 218K, home is valued at 380K. I currently invest $750/month (Max out Roth then everything else goes into the brokerage) as I do not get a 401K until next July.

I am getting married in 2025 where we will have around 15K in expenses (not debt, we pay for things as they come up).

I started working and saving when I was 16 as I had one goal and it was to retire early as I am very type a, entrepreneurial, extreme empath and knew I didn’t love working for others.

From the ages of 21-32 I never made a salary more than 60K, I didn’t get a significant increase in pay until I was 30, but I freelanced and earned an additional 20-40K yearly.

I worked full time while freelancing on top of it and coaching a travel sport team, reffing that sport and playing in adult leagues.

Most days during the week I got to work at 8 am and didn’t get home until 10 pm due to my extracurriculars and then would travel/coach a handful of weekends as well.

I recognize there are people who don’t have a choice and live this life much longer than 11 years. I genuinely loved that life for those 11 years but decided to slow down once I decided to switch jobs this year and because it finally financially made sense to do so.

I left a job this year I mostly loved, paying 60K because they said I maxed out on salary and I knew that wasn’t a livable salary for someone who is getting married and will likely have a kid in the next few years.

I took a job paying 75K, within one month realized I made a huge mistake and 5 months later found a new job (identical to the one I originally left, but a semi-competitor) making 80K.

For my lifestyle this is the perfect salary and I can easily live off this comfortably for a while. I also have outstanding benefits with this company.

I’ve been there three months now and while I like it, I don’t love it and it’s (along with changing jobs 3 times in 6 months) has been making me want out of this rat race more than ever as my company is quick to fire, my team is OK but I feel like I’m on an island most days and never get to speak to anyone (even though I go in 3 days a week) and am realizing I miss having relationships and “friends” at work.

(This company is full of people who have never had any other job and do not easily welcome the newbies).

I enjoy what I do but I have no interest in climbing the ladder, I want to work and go home (or to my other activities, since I left coaching I get to play my sport 2 nights a week and 2 months out of the year I ref the sport after work).

I also began volunteering at my church which I really enjoy.

There’s many people who have “more” than me financially but I think I’m doing really well for my age given the lower end salaries i have always made.

My FIRE number is 500K (it’s actually lower now that I am getting married but think it’s safe to keep at the 500K) and I don’t know if it’s the fact that I feel like that’s finally attainable in the near future or that I’m coming down from the high I felt 21-32 working all those days and hours and I am just over it.

I want to go work at Costco or a grocery chain like I did when I was 16. It’s personable and you can leave work at work when you’re done.

I honestly do not want to work “hard” anymore as I think I value friendships and enjoying what I do more. I strongly believe that if you do a job you love you never work a day in your life which looks different to everyone.

I have never bragged about my “wealth” or told anyone but my parents and fiancé. My friends know I’m financially smart but do not know what I have. I don’t drive a fancy car or buy designer anything.

I just live simple and smart and spend on things important to me (cleaning lady for example, and since this new job, my treat to myself has been getting my nails done once a month).

Bringing this up as I never felt this way until I started this new job, but I am finding it harder and harder to relate to my colleagues as although I am certainly a lower level of wealth, my lifestyle is just significantly different than there’s and not even just in a financial sense.

Our values are so different (and maybe that comes with a certain level of wealth?). I value being home with my fiancé, traveling, playing my sports and getting my nails done more than a job making someone else wealthy.

They are still trying to win the rat race and see who can work the most hours and that’s just not important to me.

Because of my pay and my healthcare my goal is to get through 3 more years there which will accommodate for me having a child within that time frame.

It is not in me to never not work, I will always work and have some type of income. My fiancé said “how will you feel going to Costco working 40 hours a week for 45K when you can work 40 hours where you are now and make 80K?”

That really had me thinking as well. I don’t know what response I am looking for.

Am I crazy for thinking this at the age of 34?

[Gale]

Reading all you have done in the last 10 or 11 years and the hours you worked, I think you are burned out. It’s ok to cut back on the hours a bit for a while and not work the extra jobs.

Have you taken any vacations in the last 10 years?

Maybe you just need a break for a while. It sounds like you are halfway to your goal of 500K which is great for someone at 34.

Now that you will have a partner, who is hopefully on the same page as you as far as finances and early retirement goals, things should be a little easier.

[Alexis]

You can decide for yourself what you want to do. I only see ~$250k for investable assets, which is halfway to $500k but you’re not quite there yet.

Another thing I would caution is: if you’re married and you choose to FIRE by yourself, make sure to set expectations with your spouse about housework (and children, if you haven’t decided about it).

It’s common for the stay at home spouse to be expected to do all housework, even if you saved up for it. Whether that’s fair or not is something you have to decide for yourself.

I think happiness at work is important, but this may be a grass is greener type of situation.

I’m 36 and not super ambitious at work (I tell my manager I don’t want a promotion and I am not willing to work extra unpaid hours–I’m salaried, but he knows what I mean).

And I do think about having a “simpler” job, but I’m not willing to give up my schedule flexibility, benefits, and honestly, the intellectual stimulation. 16yo you was a very different person than 32yo you.

And what you found fun and exciting with lots of bonding experiences may not be the case another lifetime later.

I would focus instead on finding a job that you are excited about, with coworkers you click with.

[Kirren]

I don’t really have help to offer but maybe just to let you know you’re not crazy or alone. I am 37 and my numbers are very close to yours.

I feel ya, worked nonprofit for my first career never making over 30k. Switched it up a few years ago and I’m making good money now but it kinda feels behind sometimes.

But then I talk to people and realize I’m actually really ahead of the average

I daydream all the time about leaving the corporate world and going back to working part time at an indie bookstore, my favorite job I ever had.

So, I look at the rat race I’m in now as a means to that end. Don’t get caught by the golden handcuffs.

Once you’re financially able to do what you want, you don’t need to stay just because there’s more money. Money is great, but life is better.

[Cherie]

I relate to a lot of this after ten years of hustling in start up culture type jobs – now valuing the people element of a job more and less stress/pressure the better.

But just here to say that if you have plans to have a child, be open to how that may change your perspective entirely on this – it did for me / adds meaning to work that maybe doesn’t feeling invigorating otherwise. And flexibility in a job as a parent becomes key!

[Van]

Nothing wrong with planning ahead so you can stick around for a few years, get maternity leave, achieve stability in your resume, and increase net worth.

If you and your husband can get your net worth up that would be good and you all should feel more comfortable.

[Laura]

You should just keep yourself open to both possibilities! I don’t think you mentioned your industry but a job like Costco that doesn’t bring you stress and that you don’t have to take home after you’re done does sounds really good.

[Jesse]

I am around the same age and have had similar struggles over the last year. Mostly relating to motivation at work and finding balance and fulfillment between work & life.

All after climbing the ladder for the last 13 years and finally securing the position that I “wanted”.

Several years ago I started striving less, not caring as much about work, and focusing more on life balance and the meaningful things outside of work.

The good news about your situation is it sounds like you have plenty of “FU” money. This might allow you to try striving less at work and just put your 40 hours in and detach after that.

I know this can be hard at times, and some jobs may not 100% allow for it, but it might be worth a shot.

When I started taking this approach my thought was what is the worse that could happen?

I get fired, have to switch jobs, get to take a break for a while, not a lot of downside for striving for better work life balance in my current financial situation.

Burnout sucks, but this helped me deal with it while I’m in the “messy middle” while getting to FI.

[Author]

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