[USER]

I left my professional job last year. I am much younger (late 30s) than my professional coworkers and quit my practice/partly retired.

There was some jealousy with my choice (I suspect some ‘misery loves company’ type stuff).

I am having difficulty with the fact that I thought these people were my friends for the many years we worked together.

Yet, they haven’t reached out to me basically at all since I left, either individually or as a group.

We used to do some social things after work and on weekends and now it’s just silence.

For those of you who have left a job young, did you encounter this? How did you cope?

I feel sad, left out, and a little bit duped that I trusted and considered these people as close prior to my departure.

[Michele]

In general, those that leave are left responsible for keeping in touch. The group left behind still have each other.

This is typical, whatever age.

[Shainalee]

exactly this. People who were actually your friend will continue to be even after you leave the workplace.

When I left my last company, my coworker was (at least I thought), the closest friend I had ever had.

Going to her kids birthday parties, family barbecues, confiding in each other about every detail of our lives.

I haven’t gotten a single response since we parted ways every time I’ve tried to reach out. It was hard.

While I have some coworkers I was never that close with that still reach out to me often even if it’s just a birthday text.

Losing people in life is never easy, especially when you simply just stop hearing from them.

Good luck to you in your new adventure and I hope you find some great connections and new friends.

[Christine]

Rarely are people at work your friends. Move on with your life and find your tribe; people who love and stick by you no matter what.

[Linda]

I have a slightly different take on this (having retired early myself). I think people still working are busy and don’t know what you’re doing in your new life.

Maybe reach out to them by organizing a ”re-Union type get together and see what happens.

I’ve always thought it’s incumbent on the person who left to reconnect

[Nicole]

“work friends” are just that, work friends… You don’t work there anymore so now you’ve lost one of the main reasons that began said friendship.

[Zack]

Your experience is not uncommon. My previous profession always the military. One of the great things about the military is the comradery and family it creates.

It’s the one thing most people say they miss when they leave.

I retired at 41 from the Air Force. There is an old saying in the military that you are replaceable and no one will remember you in a week.

Except for close friends that I’ve kept in touch with over the years this was 100% true.

You need to foster and nurture relationships outside of work and do it always.

For me it was my immediate family.

At the end of they day when you walk away from a career they are the only ones who will truly be there for you.

[Joe]

I was thinking about this a few few days ago with a friend.
Most friends are due to circumstances.

Generally they’re friends because you work with them.

If your hobbies involve mountain biking, you’ll probably have friends within that hobby while you’re participating in the hobby.

Same goes for people that are into hiking, or marksmanship with shooting guns, or an active member of a specific church location, etc.

When you move from those scenarios, I have found unfortunately you lose the friends you had while participating in them.

Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, but in my experience, it’s true 90% or better of the time.

[Maggie]

Not the same exact circumstances but I can relate. Time will pass and you won’t even think of them. Enjoy the fruits of your success

[Steve]

How many people you went to high school with do you still hang out with? People have lives to live and move on. Don’t take it too personally.

The biggest problem when you retire, break up, get divorced… is that you need a “next” to get the “last” out of your head.

[John]

They were never really your friends. There were ‘conditions’, one of which was that you suffered along with them while working for the same company.

[Phil]

They are your Co workers not your friends. Everyone asked me why I don’t have friends at work. I literally said this is work.

We can work together fine have each other’s backs but we didn’t have to be friends.

[Priyasmita]

That’s the thing with work friends. They are not your friends. I have seen it multiple times whether they left or I, they don’t keep in touch

[Ashley]

Every job I’ve ever left there were people I thought would keep in touch but didn’t. This isn’t jealousy- you just aren’t there.

[Sue]

Those were economic relationships. Not social relationships. Both are important. But different. Relationships can go from economic to social, but it’s a vast minority/relatively rare.

In a lifetime of work, I have only 4 that ‘transcended’.

And they are besties today, and span 10 to 30 years of work.

Lots of people get disappointed re work friends upon leaving work, without understanding the basis of these relationships.

[Christina]

It happened to me when I retired early in my 30s. I had work friends only because we spent so much time at work together but outside of that, I have different friends.

Ask yourself if you take out the common denominator, would you still be friends with these people?

I have been retired for quite a few years now and I have different groups of friends for each hobby of mine.

Golf, ski, tennis, spa, volunteer, etc and they rarely overlap.

My real friends are those who remain my friend regardless of where we are/what we do, mostly from college or before.

[Jasmine]

I’m sorry that happened. Honestly, I chalk it up to personality type. Some people have more of an revolving door friendship based on stage of life.

I’ve had coworkers who remain friends after leaving the company, and some who don’t.

[Toni]

They may not be jealous, they just don’t understand. Probably think you’re crazy. You want to surround yourself with like minded people.

I know it hurts but move on.

[Matthew]

The people I work with are more than happy to do things with each other after work, but never with me despite the fact that I have a good relationship with them.

At least you got to hang out with them a little.

[Cheryl]

These were co-workers, not friends. And they’re acting like co-workers, not friends.

Time to find a new tribe! Congratulations on your success

[Alex]

Not just co-workers… even friends will do this, even family will do this!

This happens all throughout life. Happens in school, happens at work, happens in families.

There are many many discussion points on why this is so, but it’s definitely not personal towards you.

[Author]

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