[Erica]

When you reach FIRE, how do you convince your more financially apprehensive spouse that it’s ok to relax about spending?

My husband and I have reached coast FIRE, we both still work part-time because we enjoy it, but if we took 4% out of our investments each year, we’d have more than twice what we spend in an average year.

We’re both naturally frugal and have lived a very low cost life with our 2 kids for 12 years of marriage and are now in our late 30s.

Now that we’re very comfortable financially, I want to do some basic house improvements that are needed, like replacing a rotting deck that is the access to our front door.

He feels so stressed about spending the money on having it done that he wants to put it off another year (this will be the 3rd year he’s wanted to put it off, and you can now see the ground through the rotting boards in several places)

How do you deal with the stress that comes with spending money after being frugal your whole life?

I want us to be able to enjoy our financial security for basic creature comforts without it causing huge stress, but I’m not sure how to help him feel more comfortable.

[Gavina]

Actually never lost frugality after 27yrs of FIRE. Plane was 4hrs late so slept in airport over going to hotel for 5 hrs.

[Chi]

We haven’t reached FIRE yet, but my husband is equally apprehensive about spending money.

However, this is not a frivolous use of money.

You said it was your front porch.

The cost of a lawsuit or medical bills and downtime for recovery far outweighs the cost of replacing a deck.

Try a practical approach such as, “the longer we wait, the more it will cost.”

[Stacey]

The 4% rule was a study that looked at the money lasting “only” 30 years.

Your rate of withdrawal needs to be mitigated at your age.

[Steph]

Do you have a budget that you look at together?
We have an Excel spreadsheet that we use to track categories of spending.

We also have a set amount of money (changes every year) that we allocate towards optional spending items.

Example might be elective medical procedures (for example, Invisalign), house projects that aren’t emergencies (example- replacing carpet with hardwood), travel (vacations), gifts, etc.

We each compile a list of where we want to spend money and then combine and discuss the items.

Then we each rank order the items & figure out which ones have the most support.

Then we allocate the money starting at the highest priority item.

You have to agree to spend money and not just save it all.

[Natasha]

Replacing the deck is a necessity. It’s a liability if someone gets hurt.

Tell your hubby that.

You could end up paying more in a lawsuit that the cost of just getting it replaced.

I own a Childcare and I worry all the time about someone falling on my property.

[Christine]

Personally, I feel that if you can save money, save it because you never know what kind of health crisis or calamity can come.

But it all depends on the situation

[Annie]

Can you set money into a particular house fund … so that in a few months or a year you have the money allocated for the house.

It doesn’t resolve the issue today but mentally it might be an easier way to accept.

Also the only way u keep value in ur house is by fixing stuff.

U won’t be able to resell it at the best price without investing in it and especially repairw

[Jaime]

Honestly just keep a budget with all your major monthly expenses and know that if you decide to pamper yourselves with, say, a family holiday for $10K, it is added to the budget as part of a vacation fund cost.

[Michelle]

Earmark money for certain things. For example it’s much easier for me to spend money on a home improvement project or a trip knowing that it comes from a savings account that we have set up especially for that.

[Colleen]

For my husband and I we have a side business (dog watching) that we use as our discretionary spending.

So, whenever we want to do a trip we figure out the total cost and then create one of those charity fill meters.

It’s fun to fill it up, and great to know that our income wasn’t touched to do it.

It really helps us feel okay spending the money.

Especially because we gradually accumulate it, so we are mentally prepared when the time comes

[Stacey]

This is a liability if someone gets hurt. The fear tactics.
Taking care of our home is not optional.

It’s part of my struggle to decide if I can/should afford the home I’m in.

[Allen]

Understand that, unless something changes, you’ll underspend for the rest of your lives and die at peak net worth.
Is this your goal?

Don’t forget – someone will spend your money.

Either you, your heirs, or the government.

[Tamara]

In your mid 30s it’s ok to go back to work full time for a year or two if it means offsetting a large expense.

[Tim]

A little different view:
-Frugal all of our married life.

-Dave Ramsey follower-all steps completed years ago.

-Took very good care of our health.

-massive heart attack one year ago-by Gods grace I am alive and still able to stay very active

-morale: if you have the $ make the wise financial decisions for today. Fix the deck, and spend some $ on living life.

[Katie]

Being Frugal is one thing, not making basic required updates and maintenance to your home is just negligence.

If you said you wanted to buy a fancy new car because you could afford it, I would say I would support you in that decision because the math bears that it’s an option for you.

But in this case it’s just a really bad idea to not be taking care of the home that you and your family live in.

[John]

This is one reason why I believe your home’s value should be included in your total net worth.

Calculate your home’s current value with a broken deck.

Then calculate it with a fixed deck.

I bet the return on investment for the cost to fix is near 100% or more.

So, he won’t actually lose any net worth if he gets the deck replaced.

Totally different than lighting the money on fire.

[Debbi]

I replaced my driveway because the risk of breaking my ankle on it was not worth taking.

I recommend budgeting a certain amount for home maintenance each year.

Think about major projects you will need to do over time like paint, roof and windows and things you might want to do (kitchen, bath, landscaping, flooring) as well as plumbing and electrical repairs.

[Lindsey]

I’m very frugal so I never needed a budget to save, but found I need one to spend more money.

I lay out x amount of money I have to spend a year on vacations, house, etc.

That way I don’t feel guilty splurging because I know its still an amount that won’t affect my long term

[Rebecca]

Maintenance is a valuable investment. If someone were to get injured from the deck disrepair or if it somehow led to further damage to the house the overall cost could end up being much much greater than taking care of the deck now.

Just my two cents.

Sometimes it helps me ease the pain of spending money in the moment if I know that it is saving me substantial amounts down the line.

[Author]

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