[USER]

I have 45k in credit card debt and my spouse has no idea. I feel horrible but honestly he would divorce me if he knew.

Every time I try to dig myself out little by little something else comes up or I have to use the cards for something.

I have four adult children and two out of the four struggle financially so I’m always trying to help them out.

I am about four years away from my full retirement age and at the moment I am only working between 25 and 30 hours a week because that is all my employer can offer.

I don’t qualify for a personal loan because my debt to income ratio is too high.

I just feel like I’m drowning right now.

[Sandra]

It’s time to let adult kids sink or swim. I don’t see how you can get out of this without telling your husband.

[Patrice]

Stop bailing out your adult children. They need
To set a budget and stick to it. Get a second job if needed.
For you.

Cut up the cards. Can you find a second job? Even 1 extra day a week?

Figure out how to cook on the cheap. Throw any and all extras at
The principal of
Your cards.

Go to Habitat for Humanity finance
Classes.

ANYONE can take
The classes.

[Amy]

Follow Dave Ramsey, get a 2nd job, and stop helping your kids. Live below your means to pay off the debt.

You will be sitting so much better in a year from now.

[Wendy]

Stop helping your adult children & have them pay you back.

[Laurie]

As hard as it will be, please be honest with your husband. It’s better than living under the stress you must be under.

[Ancella]

I think your adult children should fend for themselves and pay for their own needs. They are young and able to work.

Maybe you could tell them your situation of the cc debt and they won’t ask from your anymore.

[Susan]

You can’t help out your adult child if you can’t go yourself. Do they know that they are causing you so much debt?

[Patty]

Please take care of yourself. What you are going through is causing you a lot of stress. This may lead to severe health problems.

Have an honest, heart to heart with your family.

[ReShawn]

You’ll have to come clean to your husband. Now. Not at retirement.
That’s why you feel this heavy burden. Because it’s a secret and you know you’re in the wrong.

Once you expose it it’ll feel better especially if he supports you in getting it paid off even tho he might be angry

[Louise]

You are drowning. You have unsecured debt. Which means that they can’t take things away from you, like a car or your home.

Bankruptcy is a good answer for you, but you will have to confess to your husband.

Talk to a bankruptcy lawyer and get the facts, then tell hubby.

[Barbara]

Get marriage counseling and stop bankrolling your children’s lives with credit.

[Anne]

Second job as soon as possible. All the seasonal jobs start hiring now. Target hallmark, whatever. If your job is 9-5, give night and weekend availability.

Even overnight shift. This is crisis time.

You won’t have to work this hard forever but paying this off has to be your number one priority now. Stop helping your adult children.

You may need to ask them for help. Reshop fixed expenses, insurance, phones, etc.

cancel streaming services… eat in every meal…

shop at the beginning of the week, and make all your breakfast lunches and dinners at the beginning of the week if that’s easier.

Who cares if it’s the same thing everyday.

You are dedicated to changing the behaviors that got you in this situation….

You can dig yourself out.

[Susan]

This is what you need to do:
1. Stop using those credit cards. Get a new credit card with an introductory offer of 0% interest for 12-18 months.

Transfer the balance over, usually there is a 3% charge for this but that is nothing like paying 29% interest like you are currently.

2. Get a second job!! If your current job doesn’t offer enough hours, what is stopping you from getting a second job in those hours you’re not working?

Take control over your life.

3. When the 0% period is up, transfer to a new credit card with another 12-18 months of zero interest. Repeat this until it’s paid off.

4. You’ll never be able to pay it off with the interest rates that credit card companies charge you.

They prey off of people like you who don’t understand finances. It’s awful.

Anyone who hasn’t suggested the 0% interest credit card instead of just not using credit cards in general doesn’t truly understand how the system works.

Dave Ramsey is ok for getting out of debt, but his methods are outdated.

5. Cut off the children immediately. My dad was too broke to help me financially and I was on my own since 17.

I had to learn how to make money and live under my means, your kids can too. But if you’re bailing them out, they have no reason to.

[Annette]

Get a second job. Let the kids take care of themselves. You can do this!

[Michelle]

I’m so sorry, that must feel overwhelming. The first step is realizing you have a problem, next you need to come up with a plan to get out of it.

And you need to stick to that plan, you can’t let anything “come up”.

It’s important to realize that YOU are struggling financially at this point, so you probably can’t help your kids for a while.

Go through your spending… what led to this problem? Have you addressed that?

How can you increase your income to pay it off?

You likely both need to increase your income and reduce your expenses to get there

[Robyn]

Quit helping your kids. My mom helped me for a couple years (I lived on their property) and even then she made me pay rent.

She never wanted me to live in excess of my abilities or salary so when I couldn’t budget well for myself she made herself one of my bills so when I moved out it would already be set aside.

By continuing to enable them, you’re weakening their abilities AND your own financial security.

[Wendy]

It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed.

Here are some steps you might consider: Assess Your Finances: Create a detailed budget to understand your income and expenses.

This can help you identify areas to cut back.

Open Communication: While it’s daunting, consider discussing your situation with your spouse. Honesty can sometimes lead to support and solutions.

Seek Professional Help: A credit counselor can provide guidance on managing debt and may help you negotiate with creditors.

Focus on Essentials: Prioritize your necessary expenses and find ways to minimize discretionary spending.

Explore Additional Income: Look for side gigs or freelance opportunities that fit into your schedule, even if it’s just for a few hours a week.

Support for Your Children: Encourage your adult children to seek financial independence, as it might ease some pressure off you.

Emotional Support: Consider talking to a therapist or support group to help you cope with feelings of shame and anxiety.

Taking small, manageable steps can help you feel more in control. Update from AI

[Williams]

Your children will not learn financial responsibility if you continue to come to their rescue. If your spouse is willing to leave you that means possibly that he has been dealing with this for a long time.

Hiding this from your mate is not helpful.

If your kids are adults you have to allow them to take care of their own debts otherwise, they will not stop making unnecessary debt.

Your responsibility is to your household. Start addressing this debt even if you have to call the card company to see if you can make some type of arrangement or a reduced interest rate.

My suggestion is to stop using that card, stop bailing your kids out of debt, be honest with your spouse, and connect with the card company.

Just work on your debt and your marriage.

This is doable. Good luck to you! Also, you wrote cards, if you have more than one major card, I personally would consider cutting the rest up, however, that is a decision that you have to make.

Again, good luck to you.

[Genevieve]

Stop bailing out your kids, and stop lying to hubby. Tell the truth.
Get a second job and tell hubby why- and fix it slowly.

And maybe get into some Counceling for people pleasing to a detriment to yourself and your marriage.

[Carla]

When you retire, who is going to help YOU because you spent all your money? Let me share a recent family story – my inlaws “loaned” or gave money to several of the kids and grandkids.

My MIL irresponsibly loaned or gave more without my FIL knowing about it.

Fast forward not that far to some major health issues that required FIL to go into assisted living and then shortly afterwards memory care. They DID.NOT.HAVE.THE.MONEY to care for themselves.

The responsible kids had to rush to find some sort of appropriate care that would work with the very limited Social Security that they had and let me tell you, the pickings were slim and not great.

And it also required those that were financially stable to help them even afford that.

Meanwhile, although we all insisted that those that owed them money pay them back or set up a payment plan, none of them have ever followed through and they just keep insisting that it can just be taken out of the estate at the end.

There is NO estate. The money is all gone and then some.

Sister, straighten your mess out now. Find a plan to tell your husband, whether it is in a counseling session with him, offering to go to financial counseling, etc.

but find a way to walk through this and clear it up with him. And then stop enabling your children.

What you have done so far has not helped them – it has just enabled them to continue the same behavior.

[Shelley]

You need to 1. Be honest with your husband. 2. Stop helping and enabling your children. Be honest with them about your personal finances!

3. Go on an extremely tight financial diet to pay it down.

4. Get a second job to help pay down the debt faster.

You have made mistakes but it’s fixable.

[Author]

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