[USER]

Situation: (35M)Planning to get married in 1-2 years to 29(F). Made $2M post tax in bitcoin related stocks. Cashed out. Bought 50% SCHD+ 50% DGRO and plan to never sell these.

Hold for the rest of my life. Plan to use as the “golden goose” that lays eggs forever.

Plan: Combine my wife and I’s salaries ($170,000+$90,000)+ dividends (3%/ $45,000 qualified dividends) to support my wife and future kids (planning 3-4)… $260,000K+ $45,000 dividends = $305,000….and the diviends should grow steadily over the years and decades. The hope is to FIRE by 50.

This is about $50,000 more than we need to be very comfortable, and all that excess money would go into a family investment (a joint account)+a house (jointly owned).

My wife and I would be 50/50 on everything we build together after we get married.

Question: I made the $2M before marriage. I want to protect it for my family (which does include my parents/ brother).

In the case of divorce, I need to protect it for my biological family too.

In the case that I die and I’m still happily married, I want my wife and kids to get it.

I feel that because I’m committing 100% of my salary+ 100% of dividends (including all future dividend growth) towards my wife and kids, I am committed.

I feel that the $2M was made before marriage, its not wrong to protect it against divorce.

I’m still going 50/50 on the house and the family investment account we will build in marriage, and I think thats fair too split in the worst case scenario-but the $2M that I had premarriage should not be a part of that since we did not build it together.

I’m not being a pessimist, but a realist, as I’ve seen many divorces where the higher earniner gets cleaned out. I will not allow this.

I do not expect it, but I will not put myself in that situation if it ever comes to pass.

What do you think?

[Krista]

It sounds like you have made up your mind. Are you looking for reassurance? Have you spoken to your fiancé about it?

Get comfortable having the hard conversations ASAP, it will save you a lot of pain in the long run.

[Rob]

I wasn’t a millionaire yet when I got married, but still got a pre nup. Glad I did! It prevented me from having to pay alimony and also protected my retirement.

In your case, I’d say you need it.

If she won’t sign it, let her go.

[Robert]

Since a pre-nuptial agreement would produce some SERIOUS buzzkill, this is why we hire a good Estates and Trust lawyer to create an irrevocable trust for you.

I would assume language can be included vis-vis your wife and children, (at the appropriate time/times) but the point of a trust is asset protection.

[Shainalee]

A prenup is simply saying “I love you enough not to screw you over if things go south”. Anyone who’s against that, isn’t the one for you.

My first marriage I chose not to get a prenup due to the negative connotations and “you’re just planning for a divorce” crowd.

I initiated the divorce, it wasn’t taken well, and I got wiped out. I’ll be rebuilding those assets for years.

Had a prenup existed and we been able to go our separate ways, I know I would have walked away from that divorce saying “it simply didn’t work, no hard feelings”. Instead it’s left a long lasting burn and feelings of resentment since.

Protect yourself and your assets just in case. You wouldn’t opt out of life insurance because “you’re just planning death”, right?

[Mickey]

We need to change our mindset of prenuptial in this country. When we get married to the state, ie that’s what we do when we formalize it with a marriage license, we have a contract with the state, not with our partner.

Nothing about a marriage binds either partner to each other and the wishes of the other person, except spoken vows that are non binding. Where else in life do we enter into agreements that involve Financials without an agreement!!???—NO WHERE!

We would never entertain entering into an agreement with even a blood relative without some sort of written contract when large sums are money are potentially at risk bc we all know that would be stupid and set us up for disaster should it ever end. Prenuptial need to become the mainstay marriage contract between the actual parties of the marriage (not the state) for those wishing to still pursue state licensed marriage.

Imo I say forgo the marriage to the state and just be happily married between you and her- afterall marriage is supposed to be between husband and wife (and God), not husband, wife and state.

The only thing the state license offers is different tax laws (which i believe to be a ploy to get people to think they benefit from a marriage license just so the state has control).

BUT in exchange you are allowing the state to have a say in your relationship status, and how you end things should that ever happen. Have a wedding ceremony, exchange your vows, recognize you are husband and wife…. and that’s all it needs to be.

As for the premarital money, yes protect it….because that state, and those lawyers, will do all they can to spend it for you in legal fees should you ever divorce and neither one of you will see it! Believe me, I know!

[Jennifer]

I don’t think you are being pessimistic I think you are being smart. Protecting your wealth and planning best case scenario

[Cathy]

Just tell her. You never know—she could be sitting on $10 million and isn’t sure how to discuss getting YOU to sign a prenup.

[Bran]

Protect yourself for sure! I just hope your wife is wise enough to protect herself as well.

[Maureen]

I think that’s completely fair to protect those funds. A pre nup can help you but you need to also keep them separate and not intermingle with marital resources.

[Marcus]

Prenup can be a sticking point in the marriage as some spouses feel like it’s a sign of mistrust, etc.

Other spouses totally understand.
Discuss and decide.

[Author]

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