[USER]

I’m would love advice on divorce to protect my assets. I’m kicking myself for not getting a prenup.

My husband is from the UK and has a US green card per our marriage.

He has 2 18+ year old kids, we have none together. We are both high earners, he makes a bit more than me.

All that said, I am the RE-minded, saving/investing oriented one in the relationship and he is a spend-now-deal-later type.

We have a couple of joint accounts and then separate 401k, pension, checking accounts.

The majority of our funds are in our separate accts, and I’d estimate I have 3x times or more $ saved than he has (it was probably even more of a difference when we got together as he’d previously been in debt.).

I’m 54 and hoping to retire in 2-3 years and am likely well set to do this financially.

He will likely need to work at least late into his 60s.

A friend suggested that I put my money into a trust to protect it in case he decides to go after a chunk of it when/if I decide to move forward.

What do you all think? Is there any way around this should he decide to play dirty about it?

I hope it would be amicable but really can’t predict how it would go.

Any advice would be very appreciated.

ADDING: we are in NY

[Melissa]

Lawyer can answer your question better than us. Also if married less than ten years, determine if worth waiting until after the ten year mark for usa ss reasons.

But there may also be good reasons to deliberately not be married more than ten years.

[Lynn]

I don’t know if this is true but people talk about this .they talk about getting a consult with the top 3 or 4 divorce attorneys locally and then choose 1 but he cannot use any of the ones you consulted with.

Again, I have zero idea if that’s true but worth looking in to.

[Rosie]

Recently saw a divorce proceed without having had a prenup; starting point was proving, with documents, what each had as they entered into the marriage.

Was done amicably with mediator helping each person understand.

This was in ohio.

[Alicia]

If you don’t intent to just move ahead with a divorce now, you can do a post nuptial agreement but he would have to agree to what’s in it, and each of you would need your own lawyers negotiating on your behalf.

See a lawyer in your state to find out what your options are.

[Jeremy]

It’s all going to depend on the state in which you file. In most states and most circumstances, you have marital assets and each spouse is going to get half.

Really doesn’t matter whose name is attached to what account.

If you try to hide/shield assets things will probably not go well if it does end up in court.

There’s not a lot that can’t be undone by a judge if it looks like one spouse is trying to hide assets from another.

Without a prenup there really is no such thing as “my assets” and “their assets.” They are marital assets.

[Ruby]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m in the middle of a difficult divorce, and I was stupid enough to no do a prenup either.

I also thought it would be amicable but once he started running numbers and his ego started getting into action the war started.

So hopefully it goes well but prepare for the worst.

It really depends in what state you live.

WI is 50/50 and he could claim marital waste if he sees lots of money moved from your acct.

It can really get tricky. If you hide money you can be seen as dishonest in court.

I’m sure people do it all the time but it could cost you more on attorney fees.

If I could go back in time I’d buy clothes, electronics, furniture and everything me and the kids will need for the next 5 years, grocery and gas gift cards.

Do not put extra money on IRA or 401k as half will be his.

Do not put extra money on mortgages or rental properties.

Do not buy stocks or invest anywhere, you will have to show your financial disclosure and everything can be divided in 2.

If you intend to live in the house start getting fixed everything, paint it, spend the money now.

Good luck.

[Bill]

Your best bet is to get as much documentation as you can for whatever assets were solely yours prior to your marriage date.

Everything acquired after that date will be marital assets and subject to a legal split (not always 50/50 BTW, depending on state)

[Cathy]

If you do it amicably, you could both keep your accounts and leave the other alone.

Otherwise assets will likely be split 50/50 no matter whose account they are in.

I would contact a lawyer to see how your state works.

[Shannon]

If one of you has already filed for divorce, I don’t think there is much you can do.

But if you haven’t, then quickly talk to a lawyer.

Maybe you can put some money into a trusted friend or family member’s name as “a gift”.

[Sandra]

There’s a look back period. It can be years. Any large chunk of money being moved out of your accounts to anywhere is likely to be found in discovery if a suit is filed by either party.

You need to sit down with a piece of paper and figure out all of your assets and liabilities and all of his, and then have a consult or two with an attorney even if you plan on using a mediator.

Always start with a consulting attorney first.

If you do go that route, understand there’s a window of opportunity for it to be amicable, and when that short window closes, the majority of cases are not amicable.

So either way you want all your numbers on paper and have a financial plan and an exit plan because you could lose that window of opportunity with him, and he could promise for it to be amicable and then file for divorce himself and not tell you (have you served) until the last minute and then drag it out for four or five or more years.

Never assume you think you know your partner

[Author]

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