[USER]

I’m SO embarrassed. I literally spend every penny we have, and it’s catching up with us. I have a therapist, but she doesn’t specialize in that.

I’ve deleted all of my shopping apps and am going to let hubby, who’s waiting for a disability decision, handle our finances when I get paid at the end of the month.

I’m already beating myself up.

THANKS, EVERYONE! Something I admitted to myself and afriend this morning is that when I was 12, I shoplifted some makeup.

The RUSH is the SAME. Ugh.

[Pam]

You can do this! You’ve admitted it and are taking responsibility. Deleting apps is a step in the right direction.

Just keep taking baby steps! One day at a time.

[Kerrily]

Admitting it and accepting responsibility is a huge first step. Well done.

[Shyre]

There was a time in my life when I gave my husband my credit cards because I had a problem with over spending. I think I had him keep it for a couple of years.

Thankfully, I got where I no longer got a high from shopping and I used the question, “do I really need this?”, before I bought anything.

We kept a small amount in checking for basic needs and I allowed myself a few dollars of fun money each week (I think it was like 5-10 dollars just for a soft drink or snack if I was out) during those couple of years.

I would encourage you to take these steps.

The freedom from compulsive/impulsive spending is amazing and way outweighs any pleasure I had in the past from overspending.

Now I pay out bills and handle money fine.

It really is possible to overcome this problem.

[Winnie]

There is a 12 step program called shoppers anonymous rather like alcoholic anonymous.

They are online and in person.

Google shoppers anonymous

[Kathy]

Get a therapist who specializes in binge spending. It will save you. Good luck, you can do it!

[Ervine]

I always ask myself do I want to dust that that stops me real quick from buying crap!!

[Sheila]

Sit down with hubby and write up a budget. Plan meals around what’s on sale and cook at home, avoiding convenience foods.

Reduce eating out or take out to a couple of times a month.

Go through the closets and cupboards and see if you have any excess stuff that you can sell.

This is a good time to downsize Christmas decor!

It takes planning, but every little thing adds up to a big win.

[Judy]

Stop..you can change things! Please don’t beat yourself up…Just be positive and move forward

[Jeannie]

You are headed in the right direction by admitting it! Can you return any items?

My mil was a die hard QVC shopper and had a room full of stuff when she passed

[Suzzanne]

It’s probably not about the spending just like binge eating isn’t really about eating. It’s a symptom of the real problem.

Dig DEEP to figure out what triggers your desire to spend.

You will try to make it logical at first like, “It’s their birthday and I want to buy them something” or “I deserve to have nice things” or “everybody else does it.

Why can’t I?” or ” but I really need it” or, or, or? Everyone is telling you how to get past this now & that’s very valuable info!

BUT get to the bottom of it or you will either do it again & again or switch that need for immediate gratification to something else. Sorry, I know it’s hard.

I’m pulling for you (full disclosure: I too am a work in progress).

[Elizabeth]

Best first step is coming clean with your husband. You’ve done that. Last thing either of you need is to have your money issues break up your marriage.

[Kristina]

Is finding a different counselor for a while a possibility? Trauma and finances can be from the same root cause but many counselors don’t have training in this area.

[Judi]

Well you are at a turning point. Make a plan with your husband if in debt consider contacting a free credit counseling.

[Beth]

It helps to take your household and grocery money in cash… bern doing that for years and you can see it leaving

[Amanda]

While an unpopular technique it does work for some of my extreme clients…talk to HR and ask them the increase your tax withholding until you have a better impulse control.

The money will be away from you until refund time while you work on the discipline to put some in savings and not touch it.

If you’re only having problematic spending in checking but otherwise do well leaving savings alone put savings at a different bank (out of sight out of mind!) and use automatic transfers on payday or a split direct deposit

[Cameron]

Going cold turkey is pretty drastic
Not sure what is happening might have some ideas but won’t go there
Buy your self something every 2 weeks small doesn’t have to be material

That’s where I got angry with myself having every app amazon was the worst so I brain stormed what is something small that I can enjoy on a daily basis

Witch was a .20 cent cup of coffee
Heavily invested in yeti coffee cups
Reusable pods

Along with tea warm satisfying
So, you acknowledge the hard work with something

[Johnson]

Set a written budget
Don’t beat yourself up
That’s not helpful
Write it out or use the computer

Pull your bank statements so you know what you spend
Housing
Food

Utilities and phone
Transportation
Those things first

Save the first 10% off the top each check
If you eat out for lunch or need household goods
Those are lines in the budget

200
350
Pull the cash into envelopes if you need to
When the envelope is empty stop spending

Cut up credit cards or freeze them in a can of water so you cannot use them

What else can you cancel or stop doing
You are in control

[Jennifer]

Good for you! The therapy will help you uncover the reasons why you overspend.

[Rachel]

Not sure if you thought of this…but for anything non-consumable, have you tried returning it?

Even if it’s just a few things it will help.

[Maria]

Stop beating on yourself. You cannot change what was but you can begin to change your present and your future.

Beating on yourself does nothing to inspire or encourage you to change.

You know what you’re doing. Open yourself as to the why. It could be anxiety. Maybe boredom. Maybe habit.

Everything can change for you. Not this red hot minute, but in time.

Breathe. Be easy on yourself. Life isn’t a straight path. Usually it’s a winding one. You’re starting on your new path.

You’ll gather what you need to help you on your way. Maybe that’s another therapist. Maybe it’s adopting different habits.

Maybe a mix of different things. It’s all good.

You not the only one who has or is going through this.

And you can succeed like others have.

[Dana]

So, I was a single mother. I literally did not bring in enough money to pay the bills, let alone budget for my entire adult life before I met my husband.

Now, our bills are all paid on time every time and it feels good.

We carry a zero balance in our bank account from paycheck to paycheck and we have credit card debt.

I feel super successful. Our bills are paid and we have food to eat. We even have things we just want a lot of the time.

It is freeing not to have to worry about whether or not we’ll have heat this winter.

All this to say, change your mindset. Identify what is important to you and go for it without beating yourself up in the process.

Everyone has different levels of security, and we don’t have to feel bad about anything.

We just have to figure out what we actually want and show ourselves grace.

[Cindy]

I love that you own it. That is character. Now, did into what is inside. What is the why? What emotions do you avoid by shopping?

What does shopping do for you?

What happens on the inside that causes spending on the outside.

What in your past has you in a place where shopping does whatever it is that shopping does for you?

When you find these answers, you will create change.

You can do this.

[Author]

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