[USER]

Inheritance questions. When you’re married and one spouse gets an inheritance, how do you keep it separate while still using the money in a way that benefits the family?

We don’t own a home and want to buy one, but can’t afford it on our own.

If you used inheritance money to buy a home, did you put your spouse on the deed of the home?

My husband ‘s parents recently bought “us” a family car- or so I thought it was for US. Then when my husband did not want me to go somewhere, he reminded me that it was HIS car.

His parents wanted to give it to HIM and and in the purchase he did not ask his parents to put me on the title. When I said that seems messed up, he said it’s their money, they do what they want to with it.

He responded that my dad bought me a car– yes, when I was single he did.

And we both use the car now. (Husband later apologized for saying it’s not my car, but it still made me feel insecure).

Obviously, there are some marital issues going on.

[Sue]

I think he set the precedent. Red flags for sure. But he has done you a favor. Bc now, you KNOW. An inheritance, if kept separate and not co-mingled with marital assets, is NOT marital property.

You would be wise to keep your inheritance in a separate account and never ever let it co-mingle with martial assets.

Ex/ do not put any of it in a joint account, do not use it to purchase a shared vehicle or home or property or business, do not use it for ANYTHING that could be considered part of a marital asset.

OR, put it in a trust. Whatever you do, just keep it separate.

I am speaking from experience.

[Shannon]

I highly advise individual therapy and marriage counseling if Your partner will go. T

heir talk about the car being his car to prevent you from going somewhere is distressing

[Dawn]

Keep inheritance separate and do not mix it.

[Jestine]

The person who gets the inheritance should keep it in their name only.

[Eric]

If you were going to inherit $5 million from your parents and his parents were going to leave nothing, would you feel differently about comingling your inheritance?

The biggest issue to me is him not allowing the USE of the car.

I have heard of parents putting the inheritance in a trust where it is for the benefit of their child and they name a third-party trustee to avoid comingling if the Parents wanted to keep it separate.

[Nicole]

I think inheritance should be separate, that being said, husband using the fact that it’s his car to deter you from going somewhere is ludicrous and a form of manipulation.

[Kirsten]

My parents have been clear that inheritance will follow blood lines (aka me and if not me, my children. Not my husband).

My husband’s father is doing the same.

[Kerri]

You need to sit down with a family law attorney in your state and start asking some questions. I also recommend therapy for you separately as well as couple’s counseling.

Start getting your financial house in order. You may not think you can make it, but I would do my damndest to try if I had to.

This is coming from someone who divorced in my late thirties with two kids at home and struggled, but am doing well today.

You find a way to

[Jacquie]

Are the parents paying for repairs, maintenance, tires, oil changes, etc, on the vehicle? If not, one might argue it’s a marital asset. It’s going to get messier.

Think, this is just a car.

Are there kids? If not, I’d probably file & call it quits. It’s only going to get worse over time.

If there’s kids, I’d probably do counseling for a little while & try.

If he doesn’t change his mindset, you definitely need to start planning for a future without him. My 2 cents.

[Harvey]

Ask a divorce attorney. From what I’ve heard from them. Once it’s used or mingled with what you use or consume it becomes split between you folks.

[Deborah]

I wouldn’t count on an inheritance that may or may not come. I also wouldn’t take strangers marital advice regarding divorce.

It seems like you both weren’t thinking clearly over your canceled trip.

[Heath]

You’d have to ask a lawyer to confirm this for your specific state. In general for many (most?) states, inheritances start out as separate property; and they remain separate property unless they are co-mingled into a jointly-owned account.

The bigger issue here is a marital issue. For me and my spouse, our home and the car that I drive more often is legally titled only in my name because I acquired them before we were married (while “her” car, which was acquired after the marriage, is titled in both names).

But I’ve never once in any of our conversations used the legal title as a “trump card” to basically say “my opinion is worth more than yours on what to do with them.”

That’s what your husband is doing here. And that means that you two may want to consider marriage counseling.

[Celia]

I have an inherited an Ira and its in my name only. If got divorced it would not be even considered communal property as long as its stays in my name he cannot get any in a divorce.

Also, I believe but could be wrong that the person who left the money can have it set up so that no one can be added to the inheritance once it goes to the person it was I left to.

[Marcia]

Everything should be kept separate but if my husband threw the “his car” thing at me to control me it would probably be over.

No way will I ever be with someone who did that.

As far as a future house that can be in his name if he’s paying literally all of the money for it but otherwise it should be a joint thing and you can just make an agreement that the down payment money be returned first and the rest split.

[Nalani]

Don’t go after his inheritance and keep yours for yourself. Assume gifts from parents are to their child because really that’s who they want to give it to.

[Luke]

Couples who have separate finances seldom
Stay together.

Using money as a method of control is abuse in most states.

Get counseling because it’s that or you are getting divorced.
On a more positive note, many couples have been successful having separate inheritances.

My parents had different ideas about how to spend it. So, they each did their own thing.

But they were financially okay and they didn’t use it as a weapon.

[Lori]

If it’s given to him and he keeps it separate, it’s his. But if he co-mingles it (like putting it toward your common mortgage) it’s then shared.

I’d want to clarify this ASAP because clearly it’s already contributing to the strife.

Protect yourself. He probably already is.

[Jake]

Inheritance by law is typically not marital unless mixed with marital funds later.

There might be other issues going on but the money questions I’m reading are not the real issues.

[Tonia]

I’m getting one and I’m definitely NOT putting it in our account. He doesn’t have access to it anyway but still

[Sarah]

Legally it stays the one spouse’s inheritance if they do not commingle the inheritance with marital assets.

Morally, I think if you’re married you’re one unit.

It seems you and your spouse may have different beliefs on what marriage means.

[Andrea]

If he acts like what is YOURS is “ours” and what is HIS is “his”… I would be worried about if my inheritance came first.

Major red flag
Showing his true colors in my opinion.

Just don’t get talked in to or pressured in to doing what’s best for “us” when your money comes.

Definitely a conversation worth having now and not when the time is here.

[Melissa]

If I were you I would make sure you have an emergency fund in your name only that he doesn’t have access to, because with that attitude he will one day want a divorce and leave you high and dry

[Greg]

My wife’s inheritance is in a trust so when my MIL passes the inheritance will be available to only my wife.

[Author]

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