[USER]

How do you and your partner handle money??
Especially if you’re naturally frugal and he’s NOT?
Shared account plus each have an individual account? Or something else?

Do you have ANY say over what they do with their money after all bills are paid??

What if you guys are saving up for important things yet they want to have the right to do whatever they want with “their own” money??

I don’t understand how normal people do this
We’ll never be able to save up for important things if he thinks he can just do whatever he wants with whatever money is left over.

Not to mention bills and necessities aren’t even paid yet but he thinks it’s his “right as a man” or whatever to do whatever he wants with his money like if he wants to send it to distant family WHILE WE HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS WE NEED TO PAY FOR he thinks he should be able to do that.

And I think that’s how single people act but not someone in a relationship

Opinions please.

how do you all do it?

[Amy]

I’d have a joint account where you both pool a percentage say 80%) of money for household expenses and joint savings goals, and have 20% to spend or save independently.

After children things may need adjusting but with the same overarching goal.

But, don’t have children or share debt with someone if you can’t resolve this major issue first.

[Sabrina]

If you haven’t married this person, DO NOT! Get back out there and find somebody with the same ideals and goals as yours.

[Carol]

You can’t win this if he’s not onboard. Nudge him towards a different financial mindset.

[Savannah]

We have separate accounts but are on same understanding with money. Just started using envelopes for allocating cash for different budgets (restaurants, gas, spending, etc).

I would ask him how much does he feel like he should have to spend while still saving some.

Try getting him on board with Dave Ramesy financial plan.

[Cora]

Um. My ex was like that. I tried everything. I went into the marriage with an 850 credit score and walked away 5 years later with a 350 and a -$1500 bank account balance and 3k in debt.

I would recommend to have a separate account that he can’t access.

But, that’s probably not good for the relationship.

[Annie]

I make about 10% of what my hubby does. But when it hits the bank it’s OUR money, not HIS money and MY money. Anything over $100 we discuss before purchasing except for paying bills, buying groceries, and expected big expenses (like summer camp for the kids). We’re also both cheapskates so I don’t know if we qualify as “normal”.

Now, in your situation I would say that y’all set a weekly or monthly allowance that you can each have for fun money.

Sending to family, drinks with the guys, new toy, etc. all counts as using fun money. And when that month’s allotment is gone, it’s gone!

Keep a handwritten record of expenditures so he can see where his is going.

He may need a visual to see how his spending is preventing y’all from getting whatever big thing you’re saving for.

[Nicole]

We have joint accounts. Everything goes in one account and all the bills get paid first. Then we decide how much we need to save and how much we can splurge.

My hubby didn’t get it until I made him keep every receipt and we had to pay bills together and he had to write it all out in the checkbook register.

(LOL I am showing my age here!) Once he saw that everything really added up he started being more accountable for what he spent.

[Megan]

I’m frugal, husband is not. We have individual accounts and one joint account. I agree that that’s how single people act!

My husband likes to eat out (me too but it’s so expensive!) So, when he keeps suggesting it I’m like… no! We need to eat at home.

If either of us want to make a larger purchase (like, $100+) we just give the other one a heads up but neither of us buy frivolous things so we don’t need to correct that behavior.

Tbh, it sounds like your partner is pretty selfish

[Stephanie]

Reevaluate your goals as it relates to what your future plans are… if it is causing marital issues try counseling and go from there. Sometimes it’s a deal breaker .

[Kimberley]

We have a joint account and I control the budget. I shift money into different accounts to ensure we have what we need to pay for electricity, rent, internet etc and leave the rest in our joint account.

That way I know if he spends we still have the money put aside to pay what we need

[Summer]

My partner and I have never shared a bank account. We borrow money from each other and pay it back. We each have certain bills and expenses we are responsible for paying.

We argue about other things, but never money

[Ludie]

I’m going to be honest, unless he’s willing to compromise and put his immediate family, you and any potential children or children currently here first before any other family, it is never going to work.

You can’t help others when you yourself is not financially okay.

I understand where his heart is but at the same time, it’s just not in y’all’s budget.

[Anna]

I’m sorry, this is probably not something you’d like to hear, but it was one (of many reasons) why I divorced my husband. Money ran through his fingers like water and I was always to blame when I mentioned I was worried about our finances.

I was working 100 % (sometimes 120 %, having a part time job on the weekends), him 75 %. He used to say “how can’t we have enough?

I don’t spend anything!?” while going out to get dr*gs, drinking, spending it on computer games etc.

We tried EVERY. SINGLE. BUDGET way there is. Him having a monthly allowance (gone within two days), having separate economies (I had to get a second job to pay the bills), having set amounts for bills (always some bill that crept up that was not expected for that I, myself, had to find the funds for) etc.

I tried to get him involved with OUR finances but he wasn’t interested. So, it was up to me to sort it out.

I have so much more money now, living on my own with our daughter, than I have ever had before being married with a two people income. Difference is, I know where every penny goes.

I make my money work for me. I budget and I find ways to frugal, like making my own lunch, cycle to work, getting the best price for insurance, banking, streaming etc.

I am able to travel to my long distance boyfriend (I live in Sweden, he’s in the States) twice a year and save money for upgrades to my condominium etc.

Just like you’re not compatible in $3x or hobbies, you might not be compatible in finances.

You might find a common ground or you don’t.

[Laura]

what are the things you guys need to save for?
do you guys have a joint budget that you are contributing to? Is it 50/50 or based on how much you both make?

I’ve been married for a million years – it’s all “ours’ – though I like to joke – what’s mine is min and what’s his is ours. – it’s all ours.

Money, inlaws, sex, kids- it’s what ends relationships – when you can’t get on the same page.

Only you can decide what your deal breakers are – but financial infidelity is a thing.

Financial immaturity is a thing. My own son is holding back from committing to his SO due to their vast differences in how they view money, spending, saving etc.

I personally think he’s making a mistake in dragging things out – neither of them are going to change – and staying together reduces their chances of finding the right person. But I digress.

Only you can decide if this what you want to live with for the rest of your relationship? Either it’s important to them or it’s not.

You are not their mom to nag them into better behavior.

[Rita]

All our money goes into one account that I manage. Our joint account pays all bills and savings.

He has his own account for his spending money so he can track that separately.

But he gets a set amount that is just enough to grab a few lunches or grab a video game.

[Colette]

We had to have a real heart to heart about our compatibility since we felt very differently about money and what it is spent on. In the end, we compromised, and this is what we came up with:

1. We decided all of the money was OUR money, so regardless of how it’s earned, it will be evenly spent.

2.We did a budget spreadsheet together which had all of our regular expenses such as mortgage, groceries, utilities, gas, kids camps, hair appointments, medical bills, a clothes budget etc.

We also included a misc category for unexpected costs that may come up. We put aside those funds for those expenses each pay period.

3. We decided that a vacation every year was important to us, so we set aside enough money to make that happen.

4. We agreed to put aside some money for the kids milestones etc.

5. Finally, we split the balance of the remaining funds evenly between us, and we can spend it on whatever we want. It’s basically our individual play money.

So in the end, we got the structure I need for bills and saving, but my partner feels like they have the freedom and autonomy to spend their play money in a way that they want to.

[Adele]

We have a joint account, both salaries go into 1 pot. We then divide bill money, food money and we get spending money each.

The same equal amount. What’s left goes into joint savings.

That way, it doesn’t matter what we earn (used to be equal wages) however now I am part time due to raising children my salary is half what it was.

I still get the same monthly spending money. We get £300 each per month.

[Sally]

When you guys retire you will have money in your retirement fund, however he will not so you will be stuck supporting him in your old age

[Ancella]

You guys just need to keep your money separate. Tell him when big stuff is due to keep his hands off the joint account.

[Kimberly]

You need to have a written budget to see where your money goes. Set savings goals. Pay cash for everything.

When you’re out of money, you’re done

[Kiersten]

Have you guys tried financial and marital counseling? I wouldn’t be able to handle it if my partner was a “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine” type.

If you guys can’t come to an agreement on priorities/goals and have a shared budget where you both work together to pay for needs and long term goals and each have some agreed upon fun monies, you should still come up with main goals and a budget and each put money into a joint account for joint expenses and a joint savings for those long term goals (preferably based on percentage of earnings).

Again, though, I don’t think any talking at him will get him out of “his right as a man” thinking so can you handle that for forever

[Emily]

Joint account for joint expenses if you’re married. Saving for particular joint things should also be it’s own account.

After all minimum bills and expectations are met, no, you don’t get a say on how they spend the rest of their money.

[Courtney]

Are you married? Are there cultural differences at play here?
Ultimately, every family handles it differently. What works for me may not work for you.

It comes down to what you can make work, and that involves some serious conversations about finances and goals.

It sounds like right now you have very different goals.

[Erica]

My guy is terrible with money. He makes good money, but loses it in the stock market. We have separate accts, but it’s a challenge.

[Rachel]

We decide on all purchases over a few $ together. We have one checking account together. David Ramsey would say your conflicting attitudes regarding money (his unwillingness to save etc.) makes marriage a bad idea. He won’t change.

It’s up to you to decide whether his selfish shortsighted behavior is how you want to live your life.

[Author]

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