[USER]

My spouse is not at all interested or excited by FI or making financial progress.

I love talking about it, dreaming, looking at the options we will have, and finding friends who share that interest.

My spouse refuses (sometimes emotionally charged) to spend time with people in the FI community and shuts down the idea of going to any FI events such as camp FI or econome.

He follows the budget, invests, and goes along with the plan. He just doesn’t share the joy in it.

Have any of you made your FI friends without your spouse?

Have any of you gotten your spouse to lighten up and be excited about FI?

We’ve been married 1.5 years and discussed our goals and paid off our debts before and during the very beginning of our marriage.

Just makes me sad to be enjoying this community without him.

[TJ]

He follows the budget, invests, and goes along with the plan, I think that’s really all you can ask of him.

I like churning and optimizing, my wife likes the benefits it provides but doesn’t geek out on finding them as much as I do.

We all just have our different hobbies, I wouldn’t let it upset you personally.

[Michael]

They can have interests. You can have interests. They can have friends. You can have friends.

No reason for sadness.

My spouse and I are on two completely separate pages.

When my daughter graduates high school in 13 years, I plan on retiring early and am on track to do so.

My spouse will be working right up to 65.

He knows my plans and knows that if he wanted to retire any earlier, he needs to tighten the belt and I’d help him reach that goal.

Doesn’t cause any issues or strife and won’t, if you don’t let it.

[Courtney]

My husband is interested in the sense that he’s interested in retirement and being comfortable.

We are probably a lot older than you, but when I found FI I became obsessed to say the least.

No regrets there.

He just didn’t have the interest as he has a lot of other hobbies.

I went to a Camp FI by myself.

I live in Arkansas, so it’s really hard to find people I can talk to in person.

I have made an effort to even hold some events but people don’t really understand what you’re doing in a small town in the south.

I highly encourage you to go to an event and find your people.

And if you’re ever in Arkansas reach out.

[Jamilah]

Respectfully, you’re still in the beginning of your marriage at only 1.5 years of matrimony.

I’ve been married for over 18 years, and after our first year of marriage, my husband asked me to sit down with him and said (in a nutshell), “Here is the checkbook–please handle all of the finances because I see how much more you like it.”

He explained how much “better” I was with money and he just didn’t enjoy dealing with it.

My husband has always made a good living (after college), and never spent much money (he’s very frugal).

But, he also doesn’t participate in investing–he makes a nice salary and leaves it up to me to “save/invest” his salary.

I can relate to how you feel, but at the same time, I also understand that even as a married couple we will NOT always enjoy doing the same things (despite how “important” those things are).

I think it’s awesome that your husband still invests and stays within a budget.

Personally, I would be just fine with that.

Like you, I would also love to find other FI friends but I haven’t had much luck doing that within my local community.

[Micah]

I think the important thing is he “follows the budget, invests and goes along with the plan”…

not everyone likes to geek out on FI …

My wife is similar…

she’s 💯 onboard, but could care less about the details and would not find joy in attending any FI event.

[Peter]

My spouse isn’t into it either, but like your spouse, she is cool with the savings goals, we have interests we share and interests we keep separate.

[Christopher]

If they’re sticking to the budget, investing, and not spending away your progress, you’re in a great spot.

My wife couldn’t care less about finances.

She stuck to the budget, let me invest on her behalf, and otherwise let me run the ship.

When we hit FI and I told her, it was a huge shock.

It took some time to convince her.

We’re now 5 years in, and it’s great.

She still has no interest in the groups, community, etc. to be honest, I don’t either.

I like learning from the group (and podcast long ago), and like helping others learn here, but I have no interest in meeting up for the most part.

[Shatel]

It’s ok to have different interest. No need to force him to comply or be interested.

What’s important is that he follows the plan you have set.

That’s interest enough.

Could be that when they see you making fi friends and doing fi things without them, they may want to learn more later.

Let them come to you.

[Daniel]

The fact that he at least is on board, even if he may not have the same joy for FI that you do, is a net win

Some people enjoy the destination far more than the journey

And that’s alright

What matters is that you are on the same page regarding your financial goals

Who knows, he may eventually come around

[Liz]

I’ve been married a long time and can tell you it’s ok to have separate interests as well as some you enjoy together.

It’s a joy to watch and support the other person’s growth and for them to do the same for you, but that does not mean you have to like all of the same things.

[Bill]

So, you are the one in the wrong here. Quit trying to force your husband to engage in your hobby.

Because that is what we are talking about.

He’s all -in in terms of living a FI lifestyle.

He just doesn’t want to engage in the hobby side where we debate safe withdrawal rates and Roth bs traditional etc.

And frankly, that’s a more healthy relationship with money anyway.

It’s supposed to be a tool that lets us live the type of life we want, not an end onto itself.

[Damon]

My wife and I are happily married for 14 years, love our lives, and have met every financial milestone we set for ourselves.

My advice is that this is not the hill to die on.

In marriage the normal conflict around finances is a version of “my spouse spends and I invest”.

In your case he is budgeting and investing with you. Take that win.

As the saying goes- you can have anything, but you can’t have everything.

At best you can introduce people to your lives that have his same interests, but they also happen to be FI.

Chill on pushing the FI part and just find people he would hang out with, and see if maybe that goes better.

But don’t focus your energy on pushing that yellow square piece into the round hole if it doesn’t fit.

[Avi]

My wife got us started on FI and I just followed her and trusted her. It took a few years for me to see the joy and to enjoy the progress, but now I actually like discussing it and making sure I know the game plan.

It’s simply a good interest or hobby and it’s only natural you want to discuss or talk about it with someone.

Quite honestly in American Society, talking finances needs to be more normal.

[Barb]

You’re 1.5 years into your marriage and this is a great time to accept that your spouse doesn’t have to be into what you are into.

They respect your work towards FI by their actions of following the budget and going along with your FI plan.

Now, respect its just not an exciting topic to them (to most people) and don’t torture them with what they obviously don’t care to discuss in depth.

Money mindset can be very triggering and they might actually have strong reactions internally when this topic is in their face a lot.

Embrace the notion that your life will be more complete when you don’t rely on your spouse to check all the boxes for you.

I really think it’s an important factor in a long-term, healthy relationship.

[Bonnie]

I think the fact your spouse is following the plan is great . . . Probably what you will find in the future is as a couple you will meet someone who is struggling financially and you spouse will excitedly share the success you all have experienced.

Sharing your own successes will get them excited.

[Author]

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