[USER]

I am totally done with men!! My ex has made me feel like I am the world’s worst mom. We split up during the week after I found out he had been cheating and he has transferred all of ‘our’ money (although the money was my wages) to his own account.

I’m not sure if this is him trying to get revenge as I asked him to leave. I have been left with nothing but what I have in cash, which is around £17 to last until I get paid again at the end of the month.

I have 2 children and I am currently pregnant too. He is the father to all 3.

I don’t know where he has gone to live, and will look to apply for child maintenance, but I have heard there is an application fee which I can’t afford until I am paid.

Does anyone know how much it costs or how long it takes to start getting payments?

I am panicking about what we will eat for the rest of the month. Also if anyone has any ideas of ways I can make my money stretch and feed the kids I would be very grateful.

I will speak to the school tomorrow to see if they can help with referring me to a food bank. I don’t have any family or friends to ask. It was just me, him and the kids against the world, or so I thought it was!

I have no idea how he sleeps knowing what he’s done to his 2 children and unborn baby. Any suggestions appreciated.

No nasty comments please as I am going through enough at the moment.

Thank you.

[Kerrie]

Bank Visit
Change Locks
Legal Advice

Document Everything in a Diary
Local Charities
Good Luck

[Lois]

Please get a lawyer. I want to tell you that judges don’t take kindly to his financial bs. Keep detailed files.

Do you have a family member or a trusted church elder to help you get resources??

Immediately, get yourself a new bank acct for your wages and talk to the bank staff about how you can build your own credit score and not be liable for his debts.

Good luck. You will need to be strong and courageous.

[Elizabeth]

I’m a family law paralegal in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. I know that our laws are somewhat different, but US law (with the exception of one of the 50 states) follows English law.

(Louisiana follows the French, go figure.) First, do not allow him to put his failure as man, husband, and father as your fault.

He’s the one who has karma coming to him. As for having to pay a fee for assistance, here, our fees are waived if the income you have is not sufficient.

Ask, it costs nothing to ask if they have a waiver. Is there a legal group that does free or low cost representation for family law issues?

Do you know some one in your church who’s an attorney or knows an attorney willing to work out a payment plan.

You MUST get some one to represent you. You are in no position to handle this on your own. You’ll be okay, it will be rough for a while. I would not take him back.

You caught him once. You don’t know if there were others, so sad to say. Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

[Lisa]

Collect all legal documents/papers and make copies. Place in a safe spot out of the house. Change the direct deposit and establish your own account.

Begin removing all valuables to your safe location or selling them. Check your computer history and make copies of information.

Start creating a paper trail. Never give up your independent/safe spot information as this is your back door regardless of if you stay or leave because it isn’t just you, it is your children’s future too.

[Helen]

I would also talk to the bank and see if it can be seen as criminal action that he has stolen your wages. But also, I’d see about making sure the bank account is safe and he cannot access it ever again.

[JoLynn]

Close your account and stop direct deposit. Open a new account in your name only. I know it’s not a great comfort right now, but one day your children will know how deeply you loved and cared for them.

They will also, one day, know their Father’s choices. Be strong. Your littles need you.

[Sharon]

Get a lawyer. There will be a forensic look at back finances; he will owe you a share of what he’s taken, alimony, and child support.

Document everything. File for every service you are eligible for.

You and your children have been abandoned. Judges look very unfavorably on that.

[Samantha]

Your local council will have an elf fund essential living fund you may be able to access also you can ask for a payment break on debts etc may give you a month’s breather

[Caye]

Sounds as if you aren’t in the US — so my thoughts likely won’t apply, but if you were married, the bank and a lawyer can likely attempt to get some of your money back.

Churches are excellent sources of leads on food and community support.

Good luck and look up, things will get better in time.

[Kay]

Use only white vinegar to clean. Find food pantry and use them. Maybe a church could help. Thrift stores for every thing including gifts.

Wash clothes only when nesscesary.

I wash and hang underwear.
You may need a lawyer.

[Sarah]

This situation is so hard I am so sorry you are in this situation. Get a lawyer asap.

Ladies this is why we need to keep our own accounts and money separate.

We must look out for ourselves and our kids.

[Liz]

I don’t know what country you are in, but in the U.S., there isn’t an application fee for help.

Close your accounts, and open another account at another bank.

Go to a food bank and get food! Tell them your husband cleared out your account.

[Patricia]

I’m so very sorry that you’re suffering! It sounds like an extremely stressful and tumultuous time for you, and also for your children!
Although it certainly sounds as though he’s the one who is causing the emergency in your life (and also the life of your children) please please please remember that as adults, it is our job to love our children more than we resent our exes!

I’m so beyond sorry that he was willing to leave you (AND HIS OWN CHILDREN) without resources!

I’d immediately hire an attorney, and make damn sure your ex is paying what’s required for his children with regards to child support!

My heart breaks knowing you’re suffering this tragedy alone, and I’m so very sorry for that!

Nothing makes me more sad than a selfish parent who takes from their own minor children!!

It’s an absolute horror situation you’re in, so PLEASE know all of us want to see a happy ending for you and your children!

If you need to ask friends, neighbors, and loved ones for help with food, please do so!
If you need to visit a food pantry for groceries, please do so!
Your children come first, even above our own ego, which doesn’t want us to ask for help!

LOVE MATTERS MOST! Even if they eat noodles and pasta sauce for the next month, they will be fine!

As long as they know and feel your love, they will be incredible human beings!

They can eat the same thing every single day, but as long as they know they have the undying love and affection of one of their parents, they will end up thriving!!!!

I’m so very sorry this happened to you, and I’m so sorry it happened at the hands of someone you clearly loved for years!

[Dianna]

Social services for referrals to food, clothing, utilities,…
Notify utilities and anything in both of your names of the situation and have your name removed from the accounts.
Check into shelters.

Definitely get an attorney: it’s their job and they’ve done it hundreds of times and know all the ins and outs much more than those of us on this site know…

[Author]

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