[USER]

Needing some advise.
I am 29y w/2 children under 3. I recently lost my wife very unexpectedly.

As such I have some additional funds that I’m trying to allocate responsibly.

We did have life insurance although in hindsight I wish it was more.

I just never guessed this would happen.

A little bit about my finances. I average 17k per month (sales), around 70k in Roth accounts, 37k in saving/operation accounts, no debt other than a car lease however all but $110 a month is covered by my company.

I own a home that we just purchased in December, I put 20% down on 400k.

I do have a decent surplus every month but without my wife who was a SAHM my expenses have increased for childcare among other things.

I am selling what was my vehicle on Wednesday (27k) and waiting for a 2nd life insurance to pay out.

Once that happens I will have around 48k directly associated with her passing.

I’m considering being a little irresponsible and purchasing a fun car in which case I would use the sell from my vehicle as the downpayment.

On a more reasonable level I want to either apply it to the balance of the mortgage or invest it.

The thought also rolls around in my mind that I should keep all of it liquid as a security blanket but I think that’s the worst decision.

Any advise is appreciated.

[Dané]

First off, I am SO sorry for your loss.
Second, slow down. Take a min to grief that loss

[Erin]

Commenting as a fellow widower – my husband passed away in a car accident when our kids were 4 & 2.

1. Your kids are eligible for social security survivors benefits if your wife ever worked.

I know you said she was a SAHM, which means the monthly benefit will likely be low but it is better than nothing.

Luckily she had some life insurance which would be intended to fill in some of this gap.

2. Put some money into 529s for your kids.

The more you can put in at a young age = less overall cash in because of the growth over time.

3. What goals or dreams did you and your spouse have for your little family?

Was Disney on the list? Private school?

Visits to family?

I set aside money for those things so I could at least do the few things we had dreamed of together, then share why it was important to their Dad as we did it.

I personally would not spend it on a depreciating asset like a car – at least not in the first 6-9 months of this change.

There are a lot of things to figure out in that time – more than you understand now.

With that said, I tend to prioritize adventures/experiences over things so that is just purely my opinion.

[Chris]

If you have space in your home, consider an Au Pair or live-in Nanny and keep the 2nd car.

For two kids, the adjustment will be very hard and daycare vs Au Pair is roughly a similar cost.

A live-in childcare worker would give your kids a little more consistency and you more flexibility, especially with sick children and commuting to/from daycare.

[Brie]

This sounds like a difficult time for you. I’d encourage you to set the $ aside and work to find a new normal for your family.

You don’t mention retirement.

If you only have the $70k in the Roth but are earning $200k, I’d encourage you to invest in your own retirement.

[Tina]

I would haunt my husband if he used my life insurance benefit to buy a “fun” car rather than provide a stable future for our children.

[Kari]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Very wise advice says don’t make any major financial decisions for at least 6 months.

ALL of it can wait.

6-12 months to grieve before making major decisions will save much regret.

You can buy a fancy car later.

Or invest in 529s later. Or pay down on the house later. Whatever it is, later.

Just park it in a savings account and leave it there.

Don’t worry about investing it.

Park it, bury your wife, grieve and adjust.

Then decide how you want to spend/invest it.

[Joe]

The best advice so far has been the simplest. Don’t do anything regarding spending or tying up the money long term.

HYSA, money market or a few CDs.

Don’t to a dang thing beyond that.

Your world has been turned upside down and the future is gonna be a rocky road navigating what needs done that used to be done by both you and your wife.

That money will be needed and if you spend it in a car it could really put you in a bind.

I’m sorry for your loss.

[Megan]

Do you kids qualify for survival benefits through social security?
I would not put any on your mortgage right away.

I’d bank it and let the dust settle.

Even buying a fun car might be a bit of a YOLO due to your loss so I’d wait until everyone’s comes up for air.

The kids are young but you may need tonoay for counseling or other services too.

Can you get someone in home to care for them and help with the housework?

So sorry for the road you and the kids have found yourselves on

[Mickey]

What would she want you to do with the money? I mean assuming you would want to respect her wishes…

if she would want you to blow it and have fun then do so.

[Lindsay]

For vehicle, I’d recommend focusing on something that fits your lifestyle as a family.

Do you anticipate your children getting into sports?

Do you enjoy camping, skiing, surfing? Ensure the design accommodates the people and gear that it needs to, first and foremost.

After the vehicle, I personally would invest the majority of that money in something specifically for kid-related expenses.

That might be a 529, a custodial account, whatever.

Time is your friend considering their ages.

[Manan]

I am sorry for your loss. Your childcare expenses will be large and will continue for several years at least, so I would not spend any money until you have a handle on your new budget and making sure you can stay above water.

This can add up quickly so I would keep that cash liquid for the next six months until you can figure out your new normal in terms of expenses and lifestyle.

[Karen]

First, I am very sorry for your loss. Personally, I would keep it liquid in a high yield savings account or invest it.

It appears you only have about two months emergency fund so I would definitely beef that up to at least six months.

There may be quite a bit of unexpected expenses coming up.

As a SAHM, a lot of our duties could be overlooked.

But replacing them could be expensive.

Childcare, housecleaning, errands, meals, etc… I would give it more time.

They recommend not making big purchases for at least the first year.

If I was going to spend money that was outside my regular budget, I would use it to take the kids to Disneyland or something as a family as you are all grieving.

[Jeffrey]

I would dollar cost average into the mutual fund of your choice OR make 529 contributions.

I’m very very very sorry about your wife, that terrible and I commend you for trudging through for your kids.

You are certainly ahead of most, but imho should have more saved with your income.

If I can be an ear or help in anyway please let me know.

[Karen]

I would save it for child care expenses at the moment and do nothing w it till you spend several months w your new normal.

[Donna]

Did anyone else mention getting life insurance for yourself and a trust set up for your children?

That would be my biggest concern.

Also, condolences for your loss!

[Jamie]

I lost my husband young with three kids at home so please accept my deepest sympathies.

I know how hard it is.

Social security survival benefits will help a lot with those increased costs.

Please don’t buy any large ticket items right away.

Tuck it away for a year or so until you have your feet under you and understand your financial needs.

Your wife didn’t just handle child care, but housekeeping, cooking, errands runner and much more.

You may find you need to hire someone to take on some of that as well.

You might also check to see if she had any reoccurring auto/subscription expenses that you need to cancel (check bank and credit card statements).

Any IRAs or other accounts just in her name need to be moved.

A big one we all miss…get an appraisal done on your home as you get a step-up in basis as surviving spouse.

You are allowed to file as a widow (same as married) for two years, but then have to go to head of household status (your taxes will go up).

Finally, you need to update your will and arrange for guardians for the kiddos should something happen to you.

Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

[Patty]

Expenses could be variable and unknown for a while. Take time before any major financial decisions.

[Joe]

Pocket any excess cash in short term CDs. Life without your wife might be a lot more uncertain and expenses might crop up

[Author]

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