[USER]

Especially when the previous one I was used for my money. I want to protect myself and set expectations for a partner early

I’m entering a second marriage and want advice on how to handle our finances.

How should we split our finances to ensure fairness and avoid conflicts?

We each have our own financial histories, including assets, debts, and responsibilities from previous relationships.

Additionally, we both have children from our previous marriages, and we want to make sure their needs are met while also planning for our future together.

Should we combine our finances, keep them separate, or find a hybrid approach?

How do we handle shared expenses, savings, and investments?

What legal or financial arrangements should we consider to protect ourselves and our children?

Any insights, personal experiences, or professional advice on navigating finances in a second marriage would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

[Cheryl]

1. Prenuptial agreement for any assets (all of them on both sides) you both came into the new marriage with.

(especially if children are involved).

2. Your new partner is not your old partner. Comparing the two will likely damage the new marriage irrevocably.

3. One bucket for finances after you are married. This is not a business partnership, it is a sacred covenant.

4. Be honest. You’ve been hurt. Share this hurt and work on it together.

[Angua]

I also recommend working out in advance how you are going to split unpaid labour (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, child care, parental care, bill paying, event organisation, etc).

This impacts your free time (available for leisure or for furthering your career/finances).

And essentially the point of FIIRE is to spend more time doing what you want to do.

Too often women get stuck with an unequal amount of this.

[Robert]

A trust to protect my assets, and a clear understanding going forward of what each partner will be contributing financially to the marriage.

[Heather]

Prenuptial agreement and trust for my child, but we also had similar financial goals and perspectives so that was reassuring.

We don’t have separate finances and don’t need to for that reason.

[Anastasia]

I’m assuming you’re deeply and passionately in love with your fiance if you’re willing to take that chance with her, and she is deeply in love with you.

If that is the case, then just talk to her honestly and tell her how you feel.

She wants to make you happy and she will work with you on a plan that can make both of you feel comfortable.

Relationships are all about compromise and finding common ground.

[Connie]

Ugh.. been there.. and now find the slippery slope of someone a bit too comfortable with what I have.

I don’t believe I’ll ever date someone who isn’t better off than me again or just stay single.

These people will burn up everything you have worked for and not bat an eye.

[Jessica]

Either way, separate prenuptial finances. Postnuptial it depends if there are kids and what ages they are.

I wouldn’t marry in to a blended family without taking dependant kids on as my own, and I would expect the same from my spouse.

If no kids or adult kids, I would be ok with some degree of separate postnuptial finances if they were agreed upon before marriage, but it would definitely be dependent on the situation.

[Pam]

I too was taken advantage of financially in my first marriage. In my second marriage, we split everything. No children together.

We had no arguments about money.

We didn’t even know what each other had. We both had separate IRAs Etc.

Well that marriage did not last either and my prenup was declared invalid.

I ended up paying him half the equity in the house after our date of marriage.

We live together for a couple years before we got married so there wasn’t much equity that he was entitled to

[Sonya]

Keep separate accounts and one joint account that you both deposit into regularly for shared expenses.

Absolutely get a prenup.

[Blndg]

I’m on my 3rd marriage. 3rd times a charm. I trust my wife 110%. We have one joint checking account.

She handles the finances/bills and I handle the investing.

Either learn to trust your partner or your marriage is doomed to fail.

My wife and I work well as a team.

We make all big financial decisions together.

She works and I work.

I earn more than her, but she takes care of the house and the cooking.

Our marriage just works well this way. What works for me may not work for you or someone else.

Our dynamic may differ from others.

You either trust your partner with money or you don’t.

My last ex burned me pretty bad, but I decided early on I would give this woman a chance and the benefit of doubt.

I trust this woman with my life.

Again, this is just the dynamic of my marriage based on mutual trust, best friendship, communication and understanding of each other.

[Vicki]

I’m on my 3rd marriage.We Keep all our finances separate. He pays mortgage and phone bill.

I pay everything else.(Water,electric,trash and internet, most of groceries and essentials,but not all) Then with vehicles and auto insurance we ea pay our own.We agreed to this and have never had any arguments or disagreement about finances.

[Elizavéta]

If I chose a partner that was mainly after my money, I would do deep soul searching to understand why I made such a terrible partner choice.

If I grew as a person and thought I could make someone happy, I’d marry again and not project previous mistakes on my new partner who doesn’t deserve that crap.

If I didn’t expect to make good decisions, I’d tell my partner that I’m an immature person with commitment issues.

If he/she is okay with that – congratulations, you have someone on your own level.

[Author]

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