[USER]

Going to consult professionals but wanted to get ideas here. Posting anonymously because this isn’t just my business.

My family has a few family members who are older and not in the best health. They don’t have wills made but this is currently a topic of discussion and it’s causing DRAMA.

For context, my grandmother has already given my mother her house and land. Everything is taken care of there. My brother and I will inherit this all in a 50/50 split when the time comes. Everything here is fine.

My grandmother has siblings, my great aunts and uncles. One of them, an aunt, is between three options but mostly leaning towards one (option 3). All of the options are terrible. My mother, grandmother, and uncle have told her these options aren’t good, but she just gets mad and says it’s only one of these options.  Here they are:

1. Leave her house, land, everything to all of her great nieces and nephews. There are 9 of us. We will all never agree on what to do with this house.  And it’ll be a 5 vs 4 if we were to “take sides”.

2. I (specifically me, nobody else it seems) can buy the house from her now. She will still live there till she passes but it’ll all be mine. When she passes, I would be expected to pay my 8 cousins 5 grand a piece “since they didn’t get anything”.

3. After my grandmother told my great aunt that it is unfair to make me pay for the house AND fork over $40k. ..She has come to option 3 …. to will me the house, but I’m still expected to pay my cousins $5k a piece ($40k total).

I’m not paying anyone a damn thing. My family also has a hard fast rule that the land and homes can only remain in the family.

My question to those who know more than me:

If I am willed this house, and my aunt includes some verbiage about me paying my cousins since they aren’t getting anything… is that enforceable?

[Cheryl]

How about another option…. You agree to be willed the house and either 1. You maintain the cost until another family member wants to take it over or 2. Say yes to pay the 5k for each cousin LESS end of care expenses, repairs, maintenance for x number of years… split equally amongst the cousins?

She sounds like she’s being unreasonable and I personally would decline if she can’t be flexible.

It’s clear she’s just trying to make an impact on all the kids lives with the little she has. It admirable she wants to do that but it seems the family tradition of keeping the property in the family and making a bit of a difference in families life’s are in conflict.

I’d tell her that unless she can find someone else in the family to take it over and do as she is asking, her options are 1. Sell the house and split equally (at a higher amount) or will the house to you to keep in the family for when another family member is ready for it. She can’t have it both ways.

I’d also remind her that end of life care could make it so the house is lost completely if for example she needs to go into a nurse home or get Medicaid… because they can go after her assets. She may want to consider a quit claim deed transfer to a family member sooner rather than later because I think the government can look back 3-5 years and get assets that way if it’s deemed as trying to avoid paying them.

That is my understanding of the situation based on my own personal experience and I am by no means a professional or going professional advice. She just needs to figure it out quickly before she doesn’t get to decide anymore.

Good luck. End of life planning can be stressful.

[Sara]

You can always refuse the “inheritance” and therefore no it’s NOT enforceable. But then you have no control over it.

If the house was willed to nine people, yes it’s a bad idea. If not everyone agrees, depending on the state there’s usually is a way to go to court and force a sale/buyout. But again you may not have control over it to keep it in the family.

You could buy the house from her with a “life estate” that allows her to stay as long as she can, then any money she has left in her account could have beneficiaries 9 ways. I would never agree to give another a set amount.

[Kristen]

Why should your cousins be completely left out?

[Stacy]

If she’s selling it to you at a discount, I could understand #2…. But sounds like you should just buy it and she can use the money from the sale of the home to leave an equal amount to all 9 of you.

What’s the house even worth?

[Rachael]

Option 4 – create a family trust for the care of the house and the land. If anyone stays in the house after her death, the rent that they pay goes to the upkeep of the property.

[Amy]

Family dynamics are complicated, and a post here can’t begin to touch all those bases.

Based on what you’ve shared, if you feel so strongly about not paying your cousins the $5k each your aunt wants them to receive while you receive the house (which we can only assume exceeds $40k), the least complicated / less dramatic route would just be to let your aunt know you have no interest in the house or to be part of the equation whatsoever and she can will her possession to the cousins for them to figure out however they see fit when she is gone.

This removes you from the worry, the drama, and the responsibility of seeing your aunts wishes through after her demise as this seems to be what you are wanting. To just wash your hands of the whole situation.

Sometimes, walking away is the best solution. If I misread something and you do want the house, it only seems fair to respect your aunts wishes and disburse the $5k each to your cousins out of respect for her… regardless of how you may feel about them. IMO, it isn’t always about what we feel is fair but more so about respecting the wishes of the decedent when they have passed.

& Don’t miss: Parents recently received a large inheritance and need guidance on what to do next

[Grace]

I know you said you were going to consult with professionals regarding this. I’m not so sure Facebook can necessarily give you an accurate consensus that will settle your mind.

Do something fun to distract yourself in the meantime until you can talk to the estate lawyer.

[Lois]

Run. Consider if you want the property or relationships w/family because looks like you won’t get both. She needs to specify in will what she wants done. Stay out of it.

[Heather]

Why wouldn’t you pay them their share? If you don’t want to pay them then don’t accept the house.

[Lori]

Why do you want it? Sell it- divide the proceeds with the cousins and be done with it. Honestly this is too much drama for $8k a piece after realtor fees, estate costs, etc.

[Ashley]

If it’s written right it’s basically a buy out of “their share” – – I would look at it if all 9’of you inherited house and it had to be sold – what would each of your numbers be to pocket?

Essentially same thing.

[John]

If it is widely understood that your aunt wants you to pay $5K to each cousin, but it’s not enforceable and you don’t do it, you will cause a huge & probably un-healable rift in the family. It’s not worth the pain. So, either decline the house, or accept that you’ll have to pay $40K to get a “free” house.

If you don’t need the house, sell it, dole out the $40K to everyone, and keep the rest.

[Sue]

Just because no one has sold property before, doesn’t mean you can’t change. Not all properties are worthwhile investments. Markets also change.

Maybe suggest to your aunt that a better solution would be to sell the house after she passes, split the proceeds and each person can spend their inheritance in a way they choose to honour her.

[Jennifer]

You really need a true trusts and estates attorney, not someone who does everything, to navigate here. I am one, this is not legal advice. Grandmother’s home will not get a step up in cost basis at her death. If your mom sells it, she will pay capital gains taxes at the appropriate rate.

If Grandmother holds until death and wills it, basis is stepped up to current fair market value and less gain, if any, on a sale. You might be able to undo this.

Pay the money now to save $$$ and hurt feelings later.

[Author]

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