[USER]

How do you choose to go on vacation for a birthday without feeling guilty?

My husband is turning 40 this year.

I found a 5 star hotel in Vegas that offers a suite and access to the prestige club lounge (includes a welcome drink, hot drinks, appetizers, breakfast, etc.) but the total price for 2 nights is around $1,200.

We will be going without our kids (driving).

I would not be doing it on a regular basis and it is a special occasion but I feel guilty and do not know if it is smart to spend that much (will not be going into debt for that).

On a side note, my husband literally said that we are “broke” which I don’t like to hear.

I don’t like this mentality of saying that word as it causes me anxiety and puts doubts in my mind (we do have debt but my definition of “broke” definitely doesn’t include vacations without getting into debt, paying for a landscaper without getting into debt, etc.).

* Adding that this will be covered by money in my account. Separate from our general budget.

Not adding any financial strains.

Husband didn’t tell me what he wants to do for sure.

He is considering Vegas in general though.

[Susan]

If it’s for his birthday and he doesn’t want to go, don’t do it

[Chantal]

How much is your debt though? And did hubby say he wanted to do something big?

[Caro]

I wouldn’t but to challenge your thinking… if he thinks like that, would he value this as a gift?

Can you show him the numbers work? Would that help?

[Lauren]

I know you won’t want to hear this. It sounds like he would think it’s extravagant and too expensive, if he already has that mindset.

Why not do something he wants to do for His birthday that he will enjoy?

[Rick]

Do you budget ahead of time for these things?
I ask as we have done Costa Rica, Mexico, Colombia, and Chile already this year and have Türkiye left to do later this year.

It would cause stress to pay for those right now all at once without any planning.

But we set an amount, funded a vacation account monthly, and looks like we will be darn close to using all the budgeted money by year end so the stress is near non existent.

[Adena]

Why would you do something for his bday he doesn’t want to do? Go for your bday, not his.

Take him to a nice dinner or do something he’d like.

If you are in debt you def shouldn’t be spending $1200 for 2 nights.

Plus you can do Vegas wayyyy cheaper.

You don’t need this fancy stuff to have fun.

[Su]

No, FI should never be like this. It is not a complete deprevation from any life joys.

It’s about avoiding overindulgence.

This is completely fine, he will turn 40 only once, it’s a decade celebration. You will regret not doing it.

Now having said that, it is his birthday and you should respect his wishes and not yours.

It seems like you want to have the celebration more than he does.

You know your spouse better.

If doing this birthday celebration will actually not make him enjoy it because his money fears than simply don’t do it.

Find something more suitable to his budget and tastes.

After all it is not really a gift to him as he will be paying this 50/50 with you.

[Scott]

There is a bigger issue here than the $1,200 vacation;
You two have two different philosophies about finanaces.

That’s the bigger problem.

$1,200 isn’t your problem.

[Nico]

What does being broke mean here? How much is your net worth? Not debt, but net worth.

[Kris]

Would he enjoy this trip or will it stress him out? Personally, I’d not feel comfortable spending that much for 2 nites.

And we are FI.

Maybe start discussions about saving for trips.

[Tarah]

Is the debt the mortgage? Or is it cc debt? I wouldn’t spend $1200 on a birthday with cc debt….

but a nice alternative is a nice dinner.

$300 is a much better expense than $1200.

[Jennifer]

Does he WANT to go, but not spend that much? I mean, unless you plan to stay at the hotel pool most of the day you’re not gonna be in the hotel or your room very much.

If he wants to go but just feels you can’t afford something that expensive, Find someplace cheaper.

You can still have a great time there without spending that much on a hotel room.

Get our cheaper room somewhere in the middle of the strip, Walk places, Go see the free stuff.

Maybe splurge on a nice dinner for his birthday.

Food will probably be the biggest expense.

[Megan]

We stayed at the golden nugget and had an amazing time! Free parking, walk to Fremont street, way cheaper than that!

[Gigi]

We spent less than that and we flew out to Vegas for 6 days! Can you find something cheaper?

[Katrina]

Are you going on the weekend? Vegas during the weeknis SO much cheaper (although now report fees make it a little less so).

Did you price that same suite on a Monday – Thursday?

I stayed in a 600 per night suite in Aria years ago (I was not paying), then I went back years later, and my husband and I decided to stay at Aria in a cheaper room on Sunday night.

They gave me the option to upgrade to the $600 room for $50.

I spent less than $150 for the exact same room.

[Kendal]

I would just use travel points for a hotel closer to home so it still feels like a vacation but it’s like $5 to get there and points I’ve already accumulated.

[Kathy]

As the partner who feels “broke”, this would be so upsetting to me and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the gift (and, likely, cause tears from stress and possible fight).

Please consider if you spouse would appreciate this and his reaction/impact on communication and relationship if he sees the amount.

As this is his birthday, please align your planning with what he would want (activities, amount spent).

[Steve]

I guarantee you he’ll be soooooooooooo much happier with a basic meal, a basic cake, and a screenshot showing $1200 or more going towards a debt payment.

If hearing that you’re broke causes you anxiety, please try to imagine what it must be like for him to feel that anxiety all the time.

You said he’s the one who creates the budget and knows exactly how much you have, so there’s some reason he’s saying you’re broke.

You say everything is fine, but it sounds like y’all need to sync up on long term goals, where you are on the trajectory towards those goals, and the definition of “broke”.

I hope whatever you do for him on his birthday brings him joy, not more stress.

[Molly]

Is it a present for you or for him? It sounds like he’s been clear on his wishes for his birthday.

[Kristen]

If your husband all ready feels like you don’t have money I assume he’s going to feel like spending that much money for 2 nights is a waste and maybe won’t be appreciated.

Nothing wrong with going on a vacation for his birthday but make sure it’s something you can afford and he will appreciate vs something you just want to do for him

[Deborah]

Going out on a limb here. As someone with ADHD, this sounds like chasing the next sparkly thing.

Maybe not, or maybe so.

If it is ADHD-related, understand how this can affect spending.

Fwiw, I did a surprise 40th party at the house for my husband, so I understand the desire and excitement around planning the surprise 40th.

It’s been a few years, but I probably spent $700 in today’s dollars including hula dancers, fire twirling and catering.

[Mari]

I am the type of person who doesn’t get a big kick out of overly expensive stuff.

I just doesn’t excite me anywhere near as much as finding a perfectly fine hotel/car/xx/yy/zzz for a good price.

I actually can’t enjoy myself much if l know it’s costing a lot of money that l really don’t have

[Alden]

I don’t like spending money especially on myself most vacations if I don’t have the cash to cover them I enjoy them but in the back of my mind I’m thinking about the money if you can pay for the vacation in cash and your ok putting off another financial goal I say go for it

[Tony]

If this is his birthday, may I suggest doing what *he* wants to do? This gift seems more aligned with your interests, and if he thinks you’re ‘broke’ he certainly won’t enjoy this.

Do something less expensive and spend time educating him on your household finances if this isn’t accurate.

With more lead time, I suggest getting into travel hacking.

There is no need to pay for flights and hotels if you can get it all covered with miles and points earned from everyday spending.

[Nicole]

I’m confused. Doesn’t sound like Hubby wants to do it. And to me, going into debt to take a vacation or hire a lawn person is absolutely “broke.”

That means someone is trying to live beyond their means.

And I don’t think $700 a night in Vegas is a deal by any shake.

No ay I would put that on a credit card unless I could 100% pay it off the following month and still meet all my other regular expenses, especially savings/retirement funds.

What does HE want for his birthday?

[Author]

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