[USER]

Feeling lost. I’m also worried about paying bills now it’s only one income.

[Sandi]

Lost my husband last year.

Get a notebook write down everyone you talk to (bill wise) and what they say. Any phone numbers your forwarded to.

Don’t be in a hurry to inform bank or credit card. They close it on the spot. If your not ready your out of luck.

Get no less than 10 death certificates.

It’s easier to get them at the start.

Be prepared to spend a lot of time on hold. Have something to keep busy with while you listen to the crappy loud distorted stuff they call music.

Do what you can each day. Then do something else.

[Kathleen]

You will be ok, speaking as a widow of three years myself now. There is so much shock at first. Find a grief group for support, at hospice or perhaps something called Griefshare which is often offered at churches. There are some great widows’ groups here on FB too. Take it one step at a time. Hang in there.

[Ellen]

One day, one hour, one minute, one moment at a time. There is no timeline for grief.

[Maren]

One second at a time. I spent the first year after my husband’s death going to work and then going home and going to bed where I stared at the ceiling for hours on end. The second year i realized I needed an antidepressant.

The third year I realized I needed a stronger dose. Then came the fourth year, and I realized I wanted to be happy again.

So I started reading positive psychology books. Now it’s year five and I’m rebuilding who I am. I’m feeling pretty great and have even lost 22 pounds. Grief attacks each person differently. Let it run its course. Eventually you’ll be ok again.

Good luck and God bless you in your time of trial.

[Sharon]

I am praying for you I lost my husband week ago also . This is the hardest thing I have done. I am doing a lot of the things the people have mentioned above. It is so very hard.

[Allison]

I’m so sorry! I lost my husband when he was 47. I know it doesn’t seem like it but, it does get easier. Take it second by second..and grieve at your own pace. Sending loving hugs to you!

[Jess]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I went through this about 2 yrs ago. My husband was only 55. Stop everything that isn’t necessary (his cell phone, his credit card, etc.). If you are in the US you can get a small amount from Social security-like $230.00. Also depending on how old you are, you may be able to get social security from his eligibility. Sell any cars you won’t be using as well as removed from insurance.

[Margie]

You have all my sympathy.

One thing I found helped was to keep one big folder with all the paper work, and to make notes during every phone call and business conversation. My brain turned to mush for quite a while, and they truly helped.

Write up your budget, everything coming in and going out. Then check on it at the end of each month to see how you are managing, and where you need to adjust.

[Darla]

So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband and buried him on my 31st birthday. With three babies in tow, we overcame so many obstacles tgrough God’s guidance. Here are a few things to start. Make sure all utilities are changed into your name.

Contact the probate court to see if you need to settle the estate through their office. You will most likely need an estate account under a federal tax id number. You may want to consult an attorney.

It all seems to get done in the end but again, grieve at your own pace. Find a local support group. God bless.

[Sherri]

Was he a veteran? If so ask VA for any benefits he may have earned. Was he working? If so ask his employer for any death benefits or insurance or savings plans he may have had. Visit social security office to see if his benefits will increase your own.

Check with insurance agency to see what benefits there may be and transfer accounts to your name only. Ask if there is a way to pay less on insurances. Keep a list of everything you do, who you talk to and their contact information. Ask your own employer liter to change your tax deduction to one exemption which will up your paycheck some. Talk to your personnel department to see if they have suggestions. Sell any cars or trucks you do not need and take them off of your insurance.

Let a friend or family member help you clear out his clothes or personal items and donate them. Having them out of the house will help. You can save a special item (old jacket, house coat, shirt he loved) if you want to. I saved my husbands fishing hat for years. Be strong and be kind to yourself.

I have lost two great husbands. It will get better. Staying busy is the best way.

[Mary]

Try not to make any big decisions for a year. This allows you to get past the initial shock and grief and think more clearly. Hopefully you are the TOD on everything. We thought we had everything set since my husband was in a wheelchair with his health declining. When he passed away in March I realized that one bank account was in his name only. That money is still tied up until the courts release it even though we had wills for both of us. And I had to pay the lawyers more to file the paperwork for it.

It is a whole new learning experience. It still is hard for me to get used to being able to leave the house whenever I want and not have to be back real fast. Cooking has changed, the food I buy, etc. I am now going through stuff and donating things. Clothes went to a church that gives away clothing. His wheelchairs and medical aid things went to the VFW and Knights of Columbus. Hugs for you in your time of loss.

And the main thing I learned from this is have a TOD on everything.

[Author]

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