[USER]

Hi so I’m in a weird situation. My parents are doing well but still trying to live off of me.

They have always been frugal and kind of FIRED around 45-50.

I used to think this stops once they reach their GOALS but nah.

They got mental.

Both keep looking for ways to save and being jealous people having a life.

They keep talking about how much would they save if they had that money.

All they talk is money money money.

I’ve never got to use their money for fun or anything but they kind of make sure that I pay the price for their “sacrifice”.

I’m sick to the core at this point.

My dad used retirement as an excuse to get me involved in their money situation and I end up paying for their basics.

Which I think is fine at times but why take my money when you have your own?

They’re almost in their 60s now and I’m 23 and working day and night.

I’m done taking all the BS.

They are trying to get rid of me and also my name out of ancestral properties.

Although they have been abandoned and my parents have their own properties as well.

I’ve always been obsessed with the idea of FIRE and highly ambitious.

I was considering not to let go my share. So I FIRE sooner and I don’t have to worry about roof over my head even if I miserabley fail in my life.

I’ve always had some sense of security but since they are promising that disowning me is going to stop all the abuse and bla bla.

Is it worth it?

Is FIRE mentality also worth it because I don’t want to be like them when I grow older

I just had had a toxic argument almost wanting me to explain why I am breathing the way I am breathing.

It’s all BS. Too much of entitlement. I’m shit-scared TBH

[Krystall]

I wouldn’t compromise my sanity for a DIME. You are young enough to FIRE on your own.

Get counseling and establish your boundaries.

These are just manipulative tactics on their part…

[Max]

it is okay to love from a distance. As an adult, I only allow ppl in my life that I want in my life.

[Gen]

I think the peace you will get from blocking them for your life will be worth the financial loss

[Jenny]

I was in the same situation as you and your story resonates with me big time.

Through verbal manipulation and constant gaslighting from my Asian mom, I ended up paying my parent’s mortgage for 7 years in my 20s (probably totaling upwards of $70,000).

When I got my first job out of Uni, my parents bought a new house and told me it was for the benefit of the whole family.

Even though I wasn’t allowed to have my name on title, my mom insisted that I pay the mortgage bc I needed to contribute my fair share.

My mom had developed this weird notion that the money I earned was her money too (something I have never seen in any other parent).

Being so naive and trusting – I assumed it was bc they didn’t have the money to pay so I felt obligated.

I also didn’t have the guts to go against her.

A few years passed and my mom bought my brother a brand new car.

I asked her about it and she said it was money she had been saving on the side so it didn’t count.

Looking back, I realize how idiotic that sounded but I let it go.

Later, for my brother’s wedding – she gave him a $30,000 gift while I had received nothing for my wedding.

That was like a punch in the gut.

Then 2 years ago, when my dad was dying in the hospital, my brother got on a plane to attending a wedding in LA.

My dad passed while he was in LA and my mom defended him vehemently for his disgusting behavior.

That’s when it all finally clicked that I was just my mom’s ATM machine.

I have distanced myself from her now, but I still want the equity (plus growth) that I put into my parents house back.

I am so furious for not protecting myself but who would have known that financial abuse can come from the one person who is suppose to try and give you the best start in life?

You are still young.

Don’t make the same mistake as me.

As others have said, you should distance yourself and protect yourself financially.

[Alyson]

This has nothing to do with FIRE, retirement, your love for them, nothing.

They are financially abusing you.

You’re making the right steps questioning this arrangement now – throw that money you’ve been giving them into your IRA or an index fund and live your life guilt-free.

[Donna]

It is acceptable to cut people out of your life!
Do they withhold the land as a way to control you?

[April]

No specific advice here, but you might want to join a FB group called something like Children of Narcissist Parents.

[Lisa]

Doesn’t sound like they are FI, they’re living off you. Nothing wrong with deciding what you are ok doing and setting boundaries.

They’ll continue to take advantage as long as you let them.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this at such a young age.

[Kristin]

Is this a cultural thing? I only ask because I don’t know anyone who supports their physically abled parents who choose not to work.

This concept is completely foreign to me, so all I can think is “Why would anyone do that?”

I would just leave and cut all communication with them, personally.

Who cares about inheritance when you’re 23 and have plenty of time to build your own wealth away from the burden of parents like that.

They’ll probably blow through their wealth anyway once you stop supporting them.

[Ann]

Distance yourself. Let them know that you are nolonger able to help them with their bills.

If you have to walk away.

I guarantee they will find a way to take care of themselves.

Don’t ever go backwards.

Don’t ever give them any money.

[Dew]

Let them disinherit you if that’s their desire. Don’t let anyone control you so much it’s making you sick.

That’s no way to live, even if billions were at stake.

[Emily]

Google “family enmeshment”. Sounds like there needs to be boundaries with your family.

You should not have to take on the parental role of financially supporting when they are capable of taking care of themselves.

[Stef]

They are gaslighting you… their own kid, that’s terrible. Plus sounds like they have an unhealthy relationship with money, which I believe can be from spending too much to being too cheap.

Living off you is not FIRE, it’s a dependency relationship.

My kids could say they have FIRED at that rate!

I personally would leave and get your sanity and independence, even if you struggle a bit, will be better in the long run instead of the toxic relationship they created with you.

[Pat]

Stop paying their bills…if they get upset don’t give in. You’re an adult.

You don’t have to parent your parents.

You don’t owe them that.

Tell them you can’t afford to pay their bills.

Then keep how much you earn/spend to yourself.

If you’re living in their house, move.

[Lynn]

Anyone suggesting it is ok to cut people out of your life isn’t handing out healthy advice.

Also there is your side, their side, and some where in the middle the true story.

Therapy can help you get there.

Cutting your parents out is not the answer.

[Author]

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