[USER]

I am considering moving into my local DV shelter with my toddler. I live in a rural area and it’s a nice shelter.

I would have a private room with my toddler.

It means that I can have time to breathe and make more calculated decisions.

It also potentially opens up more resources for housing.

But I feel so weird about it. I can’t quite bring myself to do it.

It feels like jumping off of a cliff for some reason.

I can’t quite process why I feel this way.

I guess because if I find an apartment I can afford and move out directly, there’s a sense of pride and independence, whereas the shelter doesn’t give that sense of empowerment.

I’m hoping someone here has insight that can help me make good decision

[Ruth]

I have no experience, but think you should be damn proud for leaving no matter how you do so!

[David]

If you are in a DV situation and can’t get out 100% go to the DV shelter.

This is not even a question go for it now!!

I lived in a DV shelter as a teenager and it was our only way out.

I might not be here today if not for that DV shelter.

[Cari]

Hey, a shelter might be a great idea. It’s probably going to be safer than being out there alone.

They should be able to help you assess your situation.

They should be able to get you and your toddler any kind of care you guys might need.

[Miranda]

I’m a former domestic violence prosecutor. If you need that safety that a shelter provides, then use it.

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous and it’s hard to predict how perpetrators will react until you actually leave.

You won’t stay in the shelter forever.

You will at some point move out into an apartment or other housing.

So, you will get to feel good about leaving to go to a safe place and then feel good again when you leave the shelter.

[Connie]

Actually I volunteered at one when I was in college.

They are a a great resource and usually work with you to help apply find resources.

It would give you a breather as you figure your next move.

[GD Ayfz]

Successfully escaping DV is best done with support.

The shelter and people who run it will be able to link you and your child to community & resources you need to be successful as you regain your independence in the safest way possible.

So release any guilt you might have in utilizing the shelter as a stepping stone to that.

[Nisha]

I know it doesn’t feel like it, but even moving out into a shelter is empowering.

Just keep your baby in mind the whole time and I promise, your pride will lose out every time.

Just look at this as the beginning of the rest of yalls life.

But wherever you do, leave…thats the first and most important step.

[Nita]

Hey there, one of my best friends was in one twice with her children.

The structure and rules were good.

She still had to pay a nominal fee.

There was a curfew, rules, and a deadline to have housing.

Required to work, etc.

The counseling resources, court resources, and the community really helped her both times.

It was better than hotels or being out there where he could have access to her and the children to take them.

Until you file for custody under emergency circumstances, either of you can take your child and run LEGALLY.

Working in domestic relations law 1996-2019, I saw too many abusive and controlling personalities use children as collateral damage to try to keep the power over abusive dynamics going.

They know it’s your weak spot.

Save the money you would spend on rent for your attorney because if your income is a certain amount, you will not qualify for legal aid to help where you live.

It does get better but it’s going to be really tough at first.

I promise you that the woman you will become one year from now, five years from now, will thank you for it.

[Korey]

I have never worked at or seen a DV shelter however leaving and going to a domestic violence shelter with your kids I find to be noble and brave.

Most women don’t leave because it’s scary and stuff, but being strong enough to leave what you know without a safety net to do what’s best to keep you and your kid safe is definitely admirable and definitely what you should do rather than wait.

If you don’t have family to take you immediately, go to the DV shelter.

Dont wait for a long time until you have more chance of being really hurt.

Also, if it’s embarrassing to you, please ask yourself, what does that really matter when it comes to the safety and health of you and your toddler?

Places like these exist because the majority of society wants to help people in need, there’s no shame in taking the help that people want to offer you.

Everyone needs help sometimes. Moms can’t do everything as if we are an island.

[Sarah]

I lived in a DV shelter as a kid with my mom and two sisters for about a year.

It was the best year of my childhood.

Just accept the hand up and get on your feet in time. There’s no pride in struggling.

[Corine]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly.

I’m a clinical psychologist, and I understand that making the decision to move into a DV shelter can indeed feel like jumping off a cliff.

It’s a significant change, and it’s natural to feel apprehensive.

However, I believe a more fitting analogy might be jumping out of a pot of water that is slowly starting to boil.

You likely recognize that your current situation could become increasingly dangerous for both you and your child.

Moving to a shelter can be a crucial step in ensuring your safety and well-being, giving you the space and resources to plan your next steps more carefully.

It’s important to acknowledge that seeking help from a shelter does not diminish your strength or independence.

In fact, it takes immense courage to prioritize your safety and make decisions that protect your future.

The sense of pride and empowerment you seek can still be achieved through the supportive environment and resources the shelter can provide.

I hope this perspective offers some clarity and reassurance as you navigate this challenging decision.

Your well-being and that of your child are paramount, and it’s okay to seek the support you need to create a safer and more stable future.

[Lisa]

As a former operations employee of a shelter for women and children, the support and resources available to you will help you further down your journey to independence and empowerment.

This is just the first step, a big one, and understandable to feel like you’re jumping off a cliff.

The professionals you’ll meet to connect you with resources and provide support, as well as the other residents you’ll meet will change your life.

Learning to ask for help is truly a skill, and there is no shame in seeking it. You are strong and you can do this!

[Lisa]

As a former operations employee of a shelter for women and children, the support and resources available to you will help you further down your journey to independence and empowerment.

This is just the first step, a big one, and understandable to feel like you’re jumping off a cliff.

The professionals you’ll meet to connect you with resources and provide support, as well as the other residents you’ll meet will change your life.

Learning to ask for help is truly a skill, and there is no shame in seeking it. You are strong and you can do this!

[Janice]

You do what you must. I was in a DV shelter for four months with 3 kiddos in tow.

But I had to make a way for my babies! Plus, I was able to do a lot more with a clear mind and help.

Those resources they have there will help you anyway they can.

It didn’t last long, storms always come before the sunshine. Praying for your strength.

[Author]

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