[USER]

I (36m) and wife (36f) just welcomed a daughter this year (5monthF) and we are so burned out.

Parenthood with two demanding jobs has been a lot, even with wonderful childcare.

Looking for guidance with respect to career given our financial situation.

Net Worth, including house and rental property, savings, HSA, 401k, Roths, 403b, 401a, SEP IRA, 529s, etc = ~$1.7m

Shared Income = ~$450k (we both earn about half of this)
M/HCOL area

Savings rate = ~50%

I feel like life is hard right now doing all of this with a new child.

It makes me feel like we would do a lot better if one of us weren’t working and could just focus on the home.

The kicker is my wife likely wants to keep working.

Looking to get advice from the group – did you have one parent stop working at some point to just make things simpler around the house?

With such a high income that took us a while to work up to, it seems like a waste to stop working now and part of me just feels like I should keep going.

I anticipate we shouldn’t have trouble retiring between 40 and 45 with our savings rate if we just trudge on through.

Any guidance is appreciated. Thank you.

[Mary]

One parent changes to a 32 hour work week. 1day makes a big difference. Also, get someone to clean your house – every other week worked for us.

[Kaycee]

Hire a Nanny. Hire a night nanny for nighttime coverage if sleep deprivation is an issue.

You can buy a lot of help for one of your salaries minus taxes.

This preserves career trajectories.

This won’t be forever, but you will likely need lots of help in varying forms if you are working Big Law or Big Finance type jobs and want to stay on that career path.

Whatever you do, do not try to convince your wife to quit her job out of convenience.

[Kristen]

I would quit. Stay home with your daughter. Let your wife work. You’ll still have plenty of money

[Heather]

I went to part time and my husband took a much less paying job but much better work life balance.

You have the rest of your life to work, your babies are only babies for so long.

If you are able to take a step back do it!

[Enilda]

How about 1 parent take a sabbatical now, and the other the next year. When your child goes to full-time preschool, you are both back to your regular jobs.

And nearing that FIRE number.

[Jin]

If I were in your position, I would look for live-in help like an “au pair”.

You’d have to pay them decent but it’d still be a fraction of one of your incomes.

This keeps you both in the workforce and staying on that high income track while giving you all the help you need with the kiddos and around the house, including evenings, nights, and weekends.

[Ron]

One of the smartest things I ever did in my marriage was tell my wife the day we got back from the honeymoon, “one of us is going to work and one of us is going to play, and I do not care which one!” (We had never discussed this prior to that moment.).

She resigned her job that day.

Then we had kids and she became a full-time mom. We now have two incredible and highly successful adult kids….

and I personally attribute much of their success to having a stay-at-home mom.

So we always depended on one income.

We were poor…very poor! But we made it through it.

We had a joint agreement not to spend more than $20 without talking to each other first.

Now we are fine.

We have no spending limits but would likely mention a $5k expense to the other.

Living on one income grows your mutual relationship.

[Kate]

There are 100 solutions but ultimately most of them depend on each of your feelings about careers and whether the type of work that you do is suited to going part-time and/or taking a time-out.

Some jobs that works for, other jobs it doesn’t work for.

For me, the dream would be that we both went part-time, thus maintaining our career progression.

However, my spouse’s job didn’t give that option so I stayed home from when our first was born until our youngest started school.

Then I returned to work part-time, remote before remote was a normal thing.

(2008) While I am technically full-time right now, it’s really kind of part-time because I’m self-employed and I’m STILL the on-call parent despite the baby being 21.

I am incredibly thankful that I had the privilege of being there for my kids.

However, I will never get that time in my career back again. I make less than my spouse.

My retirement accounts have smaller balances.

My social security payments will be less.

There are real costs besides the current income.

That said, my husband also sacrificed.

He worked hard, had some bad commutes, and hardly got to see the kids some weeks.

But yes, do something.

You don’t get to do this over.

Even if your savings rate drops to 0% for a couple of years, your long-term situation isn’t going to be dramatically changed.

Every season of life has different opportunities and different challenges.

Embrace the fact that your hard work in the past gives you this luxury now.

[Nicole]

There are lots of great answers in here, so I’ll add: 5 months is still YOUNG.

Your wife is still deeply postpartum.

It does get easier, the older they get.

They’ll start sleeping more regularly, and get more independent as time goes on.

If you plan on having only one and both careers are important, I’d spend the money taking care of the rest of life with all the food, lawn, house services.

Take everything off your plate for a year or two so you can focus on work and family.

We had one, and then a surprise set of twins.

My husband stayed home because I was on a career path with lots of mobility, and it’s flexible work from home.

This definitely works in our favor as daycare for 3 babies was not much less than his salary, and it’s much better to have them home with family.

[Jack]

Agreed. It’s not a waste at all if it’s what you want to do and it will bring you and your family balance and joy.

I stay at home with our son and have no regrets

[Destiny]

Hubby and I each brought in about 50% of the household income. We were aggressively paying down debt and working toward FI.

Covid hit right before our oldest was supposed to start kindergarten. We made the decision to homeschool her that year.

Hubby would do lessons with her after work.

Then we were expecting kiddo #3 in March 2022.

We had paid down enough debt and cut other expenses enough that we could very comfortably live on 1 income.

Since hubby was enjoying homeschooling and my job was more flexible allowing me to work from home we made the decision that he’d transition to being a SAHP.

He pulled the trigger in Dec 2021 and it’s been amazing for our family.

No regrets.

[Tiffany]

Have you done a full physical and bloods to rule out health issues or deficiencies?

I know everyone handles things differently, but I have 4. To be this burned out after 1, something is off, especially if you have good childcare.

That’s like, 99% of the battle.

I left a 6figure role in October, my oldest was 12, and my youngest was almost 2, so I had done the corporate working mom gig for a while.

What exactly are you struggling with?

This will change my answer

[Dawn]

I wouldn’t make this decision yet. 5 months is in the thick of not enough sleep, baby gear everywhere, etc.

of course it sucks.

They get easier as they get older and then they go to preschool and school.

How easy would it be for you to jump back into the workforce?

Do you WANT to be a SAHD? Does your wife want you to?

[Crystal]

Some things are worth more than money. Only you two can decide what is more valuable to you….

retiring in your early 40s or a little later but having someone home.

I was home for 7 years and now only work part time.

My earning potential has been much slower because of my years off but it was the right decision for our family and adds a lot of value that money can’t buy (nights and weekends available to do things because laundry, etc is already done, able to do Dr appts on my days off and save PTO for family trips, same for kids being sick…

less stress on who will take off this time, etc)
I will say it’s the toughest job I ever had.

Make sure whoever stays home actually wants to and enjoys it.

Some people are happier working and that’s ok too! If that’s the case look at what things you could hire out to help relieve stress.

[Barbie]

Yes, it is very hard to do it all! When I had my second child is when I hired someone for the first time to clean the house and I’ve done it ever since.

It has saved my sanity many times!

For the last several years I’ve only needed it once/month but when my children were very young there were several years when it was every two weeks.

If this season calls for more help, you can always hire lawn service also until you’re able to do it without spreading yourself thin.

[Ashley]

What a waste to go through all this stress during these very precious years just to retire when you’re 40-45.

Take a pause if that’s what’s best for your family right now.

[Rachel]

Outsource as much as possible. Throw money at where you need help. Set up systems and routines to simplify and reduce the mental load.

And give yourself grace – 5 months is deep in the trenches of postpartum.

As many have said, it does get easier as time goes on and you have more clarity.

[Jennifer]

It gets easier if you can make it to two years. Personally I wouldn’t have either of you stop working if you value your careers.

Hire help instead

[Stephen]

Going thru this now with 2nd newborn and toddler. For first year of life, give yourself some grace and know that some things will not get done (dishes, meals, laundry, things at work).

I would outsource as much you can – cleaning, meal prep, baby sitter, yard work, etc.

It’ll suck from a spend perspective but it’ll give you some sanity – keep in mind this is only temporary.

If you have friends and family nearby that can help, take them up on it so you can rest and recover.

As they approach first year, send the kiddo to daycare so they can give you some time to focus at work.

Between now and the just aim for bare minimum at work to not get fired and pick up performance when you have daycare in place.

Delegate as much as you can and don’t over commit.

[Jenn]

The first year is the hardest I promise! I know it’s a lot. The first year is just about survival.

My husband and I also have demanding jobs (he owns a business, I’m a CRNA)

I went to 4 days a week when I had my son (my daughter was 1yo at the time) and it made a huge difference.

If you both want to keep working I suggest you hire out as much as you can.

We have someone clean biweekly, someone come 2-3x a week to do dishes, clean main living areas, vacuum and mop.

I have a laundry service that picks up, washes, folds, and drops off the laundry.

I do grocery pickup and delivery.

Dinners are kept simple.

We eat off paper plates a lot.

All of this frees up my time to spend more time with my kids

[Author]

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