[USER]

We are debating where to live and we have reached a point of decision paralysis. My husband works from home for a major university and I am a healthcare professional. We have one child, age 4, and will not be having anymore. I will lay out each choice as best I can and still keep it short:

Choice A is to stay where we are. We bought a house in the NC triad in 2020. We love our home! It is in an amazing neighborhood, our interest rate is 2.25%, and we got a pretty great deal. We easily have $150,000 worth of equity in our home. We know almost everyone in our small neighborhood (about 60 people) and we like each of them. We live in an above average school district and the area we live in is constantly growing. There are a lot of things to do with our child and we feel like there are more opportunities there for her in the future. I grew up in NC and we moved specifically because I thought it was a great place to grow up. However, I make a lot less money in this area (about 20% less) and we do not have any family in the area.

Option B is to move closer to our family in Eastern Kentucky. My grandparents are there, they raised me and are now elderly (84 and 92), so I like being close to help them out. I have an aunt and uncle there who have always treated me as their daughter and love my child and they are the closest thing to grandparents she has. My husband also has grandparents and a niece and nephew in the area who we visit with regularly. My family has always been pretty close and gather for Sunday dinner every week, I like the idea of my child growing up around her family and sharing Sunday dinner and holidays with them. I also make more money in this area. Moving would mean getting less home for more money (current house payment is $1,800 we estimate it would increase to about $3,000). We would make it a point to move into one of the better school districts in the area. This choice also involves the act of moving which sounds exhausting. There is also the fact that it’s Eastern Kentucky. It is beautiful but it isn’t in a thriving area, there isn’t much to do and there aren’t a lot of opportunities. The opioid epidemic is still raging. This is an area where people grow up and leave.

My husband (age 40) and I (age 35) should be ready to “retire” in about 10 years. Both of us have plans for encore careers but we don’t want to sabotage our ability to do what we want. We have a net worth of about 1.8 million. It is also worth mentioning my husband flies and we own a small airplane so we are able to travel between NC and KY in about an hour and a half. We recognize a group of random internet stranger can’t make a decision for us but we are hoping hearing opinions from people with no horse in this race will help us find some clarity.

[Onica]

Honestly, what you make in more money will be eaten up in the increased cost of living. At least for a few more years. It sounds like you are ok with where you are at. Especially for your kiddo and the opportunities there in the area.

[Kisha]

Stay where you are go for the weekend 1-2 times a month.

[Colleen]

Based on your descriptions, it sounds like the only drawbacks of staying in NC are reduced salary and lack of proximity to family, but you can get to family quickly with your plane. (And the increased salary in KY would be eaten away by higher cost of living.) I’d stay put and, if income is an issue, look for a remote job or other opportunities that pay more.

It also sounds like your current area has more opportunities for your child to flourish.

[John]

5 hr drive, or 90-min flight. Plan on it monthly or major holidays, but otherwise stay where you are.

[Connie]

Option B. I always loved growing up around family. There are things money can’t buy, such as being there in person to visit with your older family members and help if they need it. Sunday dinners will always be remembered by your daughter and give her the value of family.

You can always move again if you change your mind after your grandparents are gone, but you can never get them back. Take it from experience.

I never regretted moving back to spend the last years with my grandparents.

[Kirsten]

Women’s health care is slightly easier to obtain in NC. This would be a consideration if I had a daughter.

[Stacey]

Stay.

You can be there quickly in an emergency. The extra salary is eaten up by less of a home.

And although being near family can be great – it can also be not so great. You are probably looking at it as an idealized view of Sunday dinners and holidays.

[Allison]

As someone whose family left East Ky decades ago due to economics, Id stay where you’re at. Could you get a vacation cabin or trailer in EKY and visit frequently?

[Jenny]

Option A Stay where there is more opportunities for your child. Your increased income won’t make up for the thriving environment of major universities and progressive institutions in the NC triad. Visit family often don’t move there.

[Rick]

I think if you asked your grandparents generation if you should move to benefit them/you or stay to benefit your daughter, they will overwhelmingly say stay.

[Judith]

I think you should stay. Your grandparents will not live forever. It’s sad that you aren’t closer, but you can make more effort to visit more if needed (every 3 months even!) and spoil your child rotten when you visit there so the child will cherish those memories seeing family.

Will you still want to be in Kentucky when they are gone? I would think of your child as a young adult.

Where would they do best? It sounds like NC would be better and going up in that area will confer connections etc.

[Golden]

Stay put! You don’t need family nearby. Just go visit everyone once in awhile. Sounds like life is better if you stay put.

We moved 3 hours from family 20 years ago. Life has been good….more opportunities and lower cost of living. We visit family every once in a while.

[Marcia]

I would say to consider what you want your life to look like day in and day out. Not just holidays or sundays- you can easily be with family for a lot of those- but where you’d want to have kid activities, date nights, etc. My husband actually really wants to move full time to coastal NC where we have a place but for my kids I would not consider that until they are grown because there are so few opportunities there compared to our current state of CO.

I hear how tough the decision is for you and I’d also just say that you can also choose not to decide right now.

The answer will become clear at some point… sometimes you just have to wait for it.

[Francine]

Keep in mind that your child will want/need friends who are not family. The friends she will find where you are now will have families likely to be more compatible with your values and goals than those in KY. If there were a lot of relatives near her age in the KY town, it might be different, but it doesn’t sound like there are.

[Ragini]

NC all the way!!! You seem happy here and you landed in a nice community. Also NC has excellent in state colleges for your daughter if she chooses to go. You have that plane so you have plenty of opportunities to visit family.

[Diane]

I agree with others that you should stay put. Especially with the fact that you have a plane and can get to Kentucky in the time it takes most of us to drive to the beach or a major city! That is very cool and can make your life so much easier. God forbid you move to Kentucky and the opioid epidemic affects your child. That would be a hard no for me.

Plus, your aging relatives will not live forever unfortunately. It sounds like you’re really happy where you are, That is not very easy to find in my opinion.

Good luck!

[Jamie]

I would stay in NC. I grew up in eastern KY and while I loved so much about it and it will always be home home, it isn’t where I would want to raise my children. I’m also in NC and while it doesn’t feel like our forever home, there are a lot more opportunities here than KY.

[Author]

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