[USER]

Anyone else here frustrated with the lack of paid maternity leave? We’re here (35yos) trying to FIRE by 55 with very demanding jobs ($400k salaries combined and about 50/50, CPAs in public accounting) wanting (and saving) for 1-2 children, yet we’ve (a) struggled to get pregnant likely due to stress, and (b) I, the female, can’t leave my current job for a less stressful job since I likely wouldn’t be eligible for paid maternity benefits until 1-2 years in a new company (it’s a $70K loss if I go unpaid maternity leave).

*I acknowledge if we want to have a family I might have to make the sacrifice (extend our FIRE date and get a less stressful job). *In my experience, people who interview and ask for maternity leave benefits are usually “not a great fit” in my advisory area.

So I already know how this usually goes down.

[Steve]

… and then the government says “we have a problem with aging population and need to increase the birth rate”.

Well, provide cheap or free daycare and make laws to provide longer maternity leave.

[Tyler]

As frustrated as I am about not getting paid sabbaticals to invest in my own personal development.

[Ilyssa]

From the struggling to get pregnant side, have you read taking charge of your fertility? If not, I highly highly recommend that and if not going to see a specialist sooner than a year.

I was accurately assessing ovulation (or lack there of) within 3 months. Similar age and stress level job.

Pregnant the first time we tried and not pregnant when we don’t want to be.

I had way less maternity benefits though and I was treated super poorly when I came back so I left a year later and am now working for myself and doing locum work- being a mom was so much more than career I spent 30 years fighting for.

As friends with many many older moms with tough careers, the sheer number of primary and secondary infertility I’m seeing in this cohort is a little scary.

So I would recommend getting checked out sooner than later.

Good luck!

[La Vita]

This type of salary is only possible because we are not taxed high enough to pay for parental leave.

The way I see it is you can’t have your cake and eat it.

I was super frustrated not to have parental leave but this was only when I had my child.

Now I kinda appreciate to have extra cash available for our family needs that would otherwise go toward good social security for all.

Selfish and myopic, I know, but just trying to find a silver lining here.

[Christine]

What country? I’m in the US and have never heard of having to wait 1-2 years ty use your maternity leave benefit.

It’s part of your benefit package when you’re hired.

[Susan]

Kids are super expensive and this is part of their expense. They don’t get any cheaper. I will have two in college in the fall.

Our hopes are to get them through college with no debt. We make far far far less than you all make.

Kids are a BIG sacrifice but I wouldn’t have it any other way. They are totally worth it.

[Aaron]

Any expense is going to push out your FIRE date, and kids are a BIG one.

[Rhonda]

My company offers 6-8 weeks standard STD/disability for birth, plus an additional 4 weeks of parental leave (for each parent if both are employees), plus the option for an additional 2 weeks of half time work at full time pay to transition back to the office.

We also offer 4 weeks of paid pregnancy loss leave, and 4 weeks of extended bereavement leave for parents, spouses, and children.

I wouldn’t work somewhere that didn’t have the policies to back up that they care about their employees well being emotionally.

It’s not Europe level – but a company that can afford a 200K salary can afford to plan for time off.

It’s not like the normal employee is gonna use maternity leave 10+ times

[Mary]

Is there anyway you can make your living expenses not as tied to your need for a high income.

Why not save your maternity money now.

Just don’t live on that portion of your income. Kids are worth it! You may have to slow investing down during maturity and daycare years.

We bought a house that is 22% of my husbands income.

We did not factor in my part time income because we wanted to give ourselves flexibility with staying home if we need.

I was able to take 5 months off, unpaid except for 6 weeks. We paused our investments during that time.

[Andrew]

You may have to make an either or decision. Full quitting your job. Obviously includes tradeoffs

[Rachel]

Been there, done that (twice). You can’t put a price on having kids.

Yes maternity leave would be nice and should be better.

But starting a family sounds like it’s your priority (and it will be well worth it).

I did use a short term disability policy through aflac for my second child to help offset some of the lost wages during maternity leave (yes, it’s covered as a disability).

It was marginally helpful but might be something to consider.

[Nicole]

Every decision in life requires some sort of trade off.

You will have to decide what you are willing to give up.

This isn’t a government issue.

[Vee]

The U.S. has high paying jobs, but that’s the thing.

The country values work and cares less about “social benefits.

[Elexia]

I am sorry you are going through this. Trying to convince with a stressful job can be rough.

You might consider seeing a fertility specialist if you are 35 and have been trying for over six months.

There might be something more than stress going on that can be treated.

My husband and I needed help from a specialist and I am expecting my second now. No regrets at all here.

Best decision we ever made!
If you have a good track record with your current employer, I would stay there.

Once you are pregnant, I would let management know sooner rather than later.

Don’t be afraid to advocate for what you need.

I had pretty bad morning sickness and needed to have a few things taken off my plate.

In my experience, employers are usually happy to make accommodations for good employees.

In my experience, it can help to reassure your employer that you will be returning to work after maternity leave.

Yes, the lack of paid maternity leave in this country is frustrating.
In my husband’s country we would have 14 months of paid leave but on the flip side our paychecks would be half as much because of higher taxes and lower wages.

Unfortunately, unless you have free childcare available, the cost of childcare for the first five years might impact your FIRE date unless you can cut other expenses.

It just depends what you want your retirement to look like. Are you open to retiring in a cheaper location? My husband and I are planning to retire in his country where the cost of living is much lower.

This is helping to balance the cost of having kids with the FIRE date we had before having children.

We are also planning to have our kids go to university overseas where the cost is significantly less than here.

If you think outside the box, you can definitely find ways to stay on track with your FIRE date while raising children.

Best of luck!

[Julia]

Boy do I hear you! I didn’t make as much as you, but it was a blessing in disguise when I got laid off several months ago.

My stress level went down immediately and I got pregnant within 2 weeks.

It was a relief to have that decision made for me, even though we are in a more precarious financial situation now (hopefully temporarily).

USA desperately needs better maternity and paternity policies.

I’m extremely glad to have been a saver for most of my career so we have some cushion

[Nicole]

Everywhere I’ve worked has offered very generous paid maternity leave programs… 12-18 weeks 100%.

I don’t even want kids but literally every single place I’ve worked has SOME sort of fully or partially paid maternity.

If yours doesn’t then just consider the lack of money as “an expense” and save for it.

Or get another job and save for it while you wait.

Pregnancy is 9 months so you’d really only need to wait 3 months after starting a new job to make it to the 1 year mark to take advantage of the paid maternity benefit.

[Danielle]

Also a CPA (for now…) but I had left public by the time I had kids.

I definitely made job choices based on maternity benefits availability but I did change jobs while trying to get pregnant.

I asked for all their benefits info and looked at maternity to make sure I was eligible after a year without specifically asking them about it.

We figured it was worth pausing a couple months for a better job situation.

We have also made choices that were not the best financially, but the best for our health and needs, such as forgoing a retention bonus (higher than what you noted for maternity leave loss) because I was miserable in my job.

We just factor it into our long term plans, continue to make most decisions in a way that support our FIRE goals and keep going.

We now have 2 kids, I make significantly more than I did before having kids, and I plan to at least partially FIRE in my mid 40s.

[Vida]

I lost out on every single penny of paid maternity leave I was scheduled to have because I didn’t make it to 36 weeks pregnant on the job… I’d been paying into it from 15 years old to 33 years old and got ZILCH at the very last minute.

So yes, I feel your pain. Two years of paperwork and court dates to potentially get anything so I gave up after the first or second denial to my appeal.

It’s so messed up.

[Steve]

You want it ‘ALL’. High salary, paid maternity, early retirement. So does everyone else.

Seems to be a sense of entitlement here.

Time to maybe sacrifice a bit

[Nidia]

I went through fertility treatments for my kiddos and now I’m a stay at home mom (but handle our investments).

I didn’t have a high paying career though.

I’ll say this from a woman’s point of view.

Girl you are running out of time… if you need fertility treatments it could take months or YEARS! If you want a family you are going to have to just do it because no matter how much money you have you can’t buy time and as a woman regarding fertility you will run out of time one day

I’m 42 now so my time is over and I think of all the time I wasted mulling it over

[Dena]

I wish chemo was free so I could live longer, but it’s not so I likely won’t get to see the kids I have grow up.

When I had my oldest I was 23 & couldn’t stomach leaving him in daycare.

I left the big firm I was with and opted to start my own business. It was the best decision I ever made.

I didn’t plan on being a single mom shortly after, but it did make me work harder.

I worked when my baby slept & had meetings while he was on my boob. If clients cared, they weren’t my clients.

Did I give up on financial goals or did I prioritize what was important to me at the time?

We find a way to do what we really want in almost every case, but I can’t figure out a way for me to afford to have cancer.

It just doesn’t fit the budget no matter what I do.

Unfortunately I was so close to being able to slow down a bit and enjoy life when I was diagnosed and all my plans went out the window.

[Author]

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