[USER]

For all my adult life, I’ve been completely baffled as to why people marry. I know so many people that ended up divorced and having to give 50% of their income to their ex. Are their actually tax benefits that come with marriage? What are they?

I am a 42 year old woman that has built a very successful business. I fell in love and am considering marriage for the first time in my life.

I love to think we will never divorce, but reality happens. Thoughts on the benefits of marriage?

Thank you!

[Kevin]

This is such a personal topic driven by anecdotal experiences. I can understand why one may consider a prenup especially if they have family members who had a bad experience. For me, I didn’t consider one. Marriage is a sacred vow and commitment that is not to be broken.

I ensured there wasn’t a single doubt that my wife is who I’m meant to spend my life with before making the commitment. Your future husband or wife should be an asset to you in so many ways and push you to grow.

Just be sure they’re the one before jumping in.

Best of luck!

[Swathi]

As a relationship coach, I can say that there is no one way to do relationships. Here are some questions to think about: Regardless of marriage, would both of you say (and show) you are deeply committed to each other and for life (if that’s what you want)? Would one or both of you feel a different level of commitment with marriage than without? Would you both like to be privy to each other medical data/access/visitation/medical directives? Are there any children involved? How important is it for both of you to integrate your family and friends and would they support you in your relationship (marriage or not)?

In terms of finances, you can always do a prenup/trust to protect your assets regardless of if you decide to get married or not. At the end of the day, marriage is a personal choice and like all choices, there are risks and consequences and benefits and celebrations. For me personally, marriage has been very mutually supportive. From the sense of togetherness, having each other’s backs, raising our son, taking care of each other’s families, balancing paid and unpaid work, etc. This is my first marriage and this is my husband’s third marriage.

We both brought in equal amount of assets so we opted to not do a prenup, but we did set up a trust after getting married. Hope this helps! Good luck!

[Jeane]

You get more tax breaks when you’re married but you typically spend more money when you’re married – bigger house, 2 cars, utilities, food, trips, family events etc – so it’s a wash. I spend a lot less money being single. So I wouldn’t get married just for the tax breaks.

[Jacqui]

Prenup saved me. I didn’t have much when I got married at 23 to the wrong person. 10 year later when I got divorced, I was much better off and didn’t have to give half of my business, house or anything that was in my name as everything in my name was considered separate property. Do the prenup.

[Amanda]

You’re looking at marriage entirely through a finance lens – if you didn’t get married and your partner ended up incapacitated, I’m sure you’d want to be the one to make medical decisions for their well-being. There are benefits outside of financial ones.

[Geof]

I gave half of everything away in a divorce, including half the value of my business. Don’t get married. Just do not get the state involved. Be in love. Wear rings. Just don’t get married.

[Janelle]

Me and my husband got married when we were both broke. He was starting law school, I was working. I supported him through law school. Then I had a baby and he started working a low paying attorney job. I got into real estate investment while home with my second kid, and at one point went back to work to build the investments faster. Now we both quit to travel.

As far as I’m concerned, we both get 50/50 if we ever split up because we built it together.

There were times one of us had the easier job, or did more housework etc. If I was out working on my second job he was home with the kids. If he wanted to go get a high paying attorney job I could take credit for supporting him through the low earning years, there just isn’t a neat easy way to separate each of our contributions.

We are a team, and it absolutely would be devastating and difficult, maybe impossible to parse out what would be a “fair” split. But that’s what I wanted- that’s a marriage to me.

We got married because we are better as a team and achieve more of our goals together versus individually. We had big dreams and plans and we wanted to be in each other’s lives forever, succeeding or failing together. It doesn’t matter to me at all who did what and who earned more, it’s about what we want our life and family to look like and how can we achieve it together? We don’t keep score between each other because it doesnt matter, we keep score against our peers and against the struggles of life and the world. So far we are winning, semi retired at 35, happily married.

That said, I see nothing wrong with a prenup. In particular, if my husband was to die I would want to protect what we built for his kids if I was to remarry, and it might be difficult to re- match with a man who financially was on the same level. In that case I would want a pre-nup to separate what each of us brought into marriage, but once inside the marriage anything that was produced or earned together should be both of ours, split 50/50 if we split.

And if I love the guy enough to marry him but he’s broke and I’m not, then I guess maybe he gets a better deal at first but that’s ok as long as I have protection in place in case he’s not who he says he is.

[Tamara]

Benefits of marriage? Having a partner that truly commits to you. Shared dreams, shared life…by all means, protect yourself with a prenup but don’t be afraid of marriage. I’m an independent career woman and never in my life have I felt like someone has my back the way my husband does.

Not sure if kids are on your horizon, but that also makes marriage worth it.

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