[USER]

I’m getting married in a month and my fiancé’s parents have a sizable NW ($5-7M) that their advisor recommended we get a prenup to protect.

They are paying for lawyers to represent both of us, but I’m curious what I should be on the lookout for?

I’ve got contract review and legal experience (as well as finance knowledge) but curious if there’s any context this group may have for me to be aware of?

Context: both early/mid 20’s

We live in Missouri

I (M) own our house and have ~$400k NW and $150k job
She (F) has about $60k NW, and $90K job.

We plan to have kids in a few years and are both frugal/financially savvy

They told us about this months ago, but their financial advisor has been slow to get things started.

We’re expecting lawyers to reach out to each of us soon to get the ball rolling, which is why the timing of the post may seem closer to the wedding than normal.

I also trust her parents and know there isn’t any ill-intent against me.

Their Trust includes some family property that is split between her father’s brothers, and they’ve made comments about wanting a portion to go to charity/good causes.

I believe this has to do with these wants, more than it has to do with any type of “shielding” from me ever getting it.

[Lori]

Don’t let them find you a lawyer. Find your own lawyer. This way you know you’re interest are being looked after.

[Adam]

It’s almost certainly in your and her best interest to have a pre-nup but her parents and their “advisor” should have nothing to do with this process.

Inherited assets are usually protected anyway and their own estate planning can take into account protecting their daughter’s inheritance. That is the part that is up to them – not your prenup.

I would set the precedent of setting healthy boundaries with these in laws from the start, there are signs here that they may be the meddling/controlling type

[Meagan]

Their advisor. – but what do you and your finance think?

[Jane]

THEY should NOT be providing you with a lawyer. If there is a prenup you need your own lawyer that you choose to represent your interests.

[Jeremy]

Have you and your fiance sat down and talked about your wishes as a couple? Are you both on the same page?

I’d start there.

If you’re both on the same page, then have a talk with the parents (or maybe just your spouse has that conversation with her parents).

If everyone has generally the same expectations, the lawyers will just help you make your wishes into a legal document and find anything you missed.

I probably wouldn’t want to start this conversation with the lawyers in the room, I’d want to be fairly certain we’re all already aligned.

[Laura]

No one goes into marriage expecting to get a divorce, but realistically it happens frequently.

Of course her parents want to protect their daughter’s future.

Be sure that you and she are on the same page financially.

You may want to get your own lawyer (to protect your own interests).

Married couples WILL ALWAYS have a prenup–it is either done by themselves or the state.

[Matt]

If the OP’s fiance’s parents are providing the lawyers, some would say pressuring him, would that be grounds to get the prenup thrown out in the event of divorce?

It could work in the OP’s favor…

[Jule]

The state law normally says that the inheritance is protected as long as you keep it out of the shared assets.

What you build together after marriage is shared.

Unless you want a prenup for your current assets as well.

Although you are still young with relatively starting assets, so I would not see the need to keep it separate.

[Rick]

I wouldn’t worry much about them finding both lawyers. A $5m+ prenup is not worth a lawyers ability to practice later so the lawyer you may use is just not going to screw you over.

And if they did, you probably have a bigger issue that her parents are part of the mafia and have lawyers in their pocket ready to risk their job over a thousand dollar prenup job.

I just would not worry about this.

The main thing that came to my mind is to ensure that you do not in any way limit your ability to complete a postnup later.

Hard to guess any and all of the reasons that you may want a future post nup but the prenup should not inhibit that.

Good luck and I hope your experience is nothing but good with this step that seems to intimidate the hell out of a lot of people.

Go have a great marriage.h

[Jeremy]

And honestly, I think a prenup is ALWAYS a good idea, regardless of situation.

If for nothing else, just so everyone is forced to have the hard/important conversations about money and finances before they get married.

I read somewhere that every marriage already has a prenup, it’s the laws of the state where you live.

If you’re good with that, great.

No further action required.

If you don’t know what the laws of the state are, you should probably check first and if you don’t agree with the pre-selected prenup that the state has provided, you have the chance to change it to whatever you want.

[Elliot]

Meddling. Impose your will, whatever that may be. Let the parents know that you are starting a family, and you will make the rules (with their daughter).

Earn their respect and unburden yourself from the meddling, or else become a victim forever.

[Allie]

There are a lot of people here who have not lived through a divorce without a prenup and it shows.

Here’s the thing.

Marriage is a contract.

And you have a contract whether you have a prenup or not.

It’s just a question of whether you have your jurisdiction’s default contract (no prenup) or whether you have your own.

And the reality is that the laws around the default contract can always change in the future, so even if you agree with your jurisdiction’s version of the contract, it can be nice to have it spelled out.

I would select your own representation and ask your future in laws to consider reimbursing you instead.

My ex insisted on DIY and mediation during our divorce.

It saved thousands in the short run, only for him to get hit with a massive tax bill in the long run.

Because when you aren’t an expert, you don’t know what you don’t know.

Also planning for a future where you may divorce only means you’ve planned for a future that ensures in the worst case scenario – divorce – your future children have an equitable quality of life in both households.

Being realistic about the odds is an act of love for the family you will build together while being hopeful for the best-case outcome (a life-long happy marriage) in the long run.

[Michelle]

This sounds like some overreaching on the part of her parents. I have ex in-laws who have an exponentially larger net worth.

The way they protected their assets was through setting up trusts.

When we got divorced, my husband and I split our assets and it had absolutely nothing to do with them.

No pre nup needed.

If they’re concerned about how their money is used after they’re gone then they need to hire an estate planning attorney for themselves.

The solution is not a prenup between you and your fiancee.

Now, if you and the fiancee feel you need a prenup without these meddling parents in the mix, I’d first determine what scenario you were trying to protect against for the two of you?

Any lawyer worth their salt will tell you that this should include assets that you have or earn as part of the marriage and is not to figure out assets that aren’t even part of your marriage.

My husband and I now have a prenup that we wrote ourselves and then had reviewed by an attorney because we are a blended family.

It was really meant to protect income from a strong real estate portfolio that I came in with from being considered “joint” for the child support and alimony he paid to his ex.

And it worked – he even had to produce it in court at one point.

The rest of our assets and what our kids get we figured out with an estate planning attorney.

Personally, unless I had some specific problem to solve like the one I shared, I’d pass on her parents trying to use a prenup between their daughter and her spouse for their estate planning.

Makes no sense.

They can go put the appropriate instruments in place on their end for their estate.

So, my best advice is watch out for controlling in-laws.

[Forest]

To me it would depend on the terms. If she gets to retain all of her inheritance assets and gets her share of marital assets even though your income and net worth will result in more than 50% of assets, I think negotiating an adjustment in marital assets such as you retain an additional $500k to $1 million.

[Charlotte]

You are getting married in a month and now they bring this up? Nothing like waiting until the last minute when everybody is busy and frazzled with wedding stuff.

I would find my own lawyer for sure.

[Bill]

A prenup is completely appropriate. Just make sure it protects your assets and not just hers.

If you have $400k in your early 20s, that’s also going to be worth multi-millions down the line.

[Kelly]

Before you meet with counsel have a few meetings together to discuss it. Feelings.

What ifs. Etc.

Decide what each of you want/need.

Then bring it to each other for respectfully and thought discussions.

You should be in alignment before meeting with the attorneys

[Misty]

Get your own lawyer with your own interests at heart. I’m not opposed to a prenup but you have assets that should be protected as well!

[张扬]

This is weird. As long as inheritances aren’t commingled, then they’re protected from divorce.

I think the parents are being a little bit paranoid, and this might be indicative of control issues.

And while $5-$7 million is a lot, it’s not like it’s enough to live the Rich & Famous © lifestyle (if you’re GenX you will understand this reference).

I have a friend whose parents were worth over $20 million, and they weren’t this controlling about it.

That said, if you haven’t listened to the Bigger Pockets Money podcast episodes on prenups, I’d highly recommend that both of you do so.

Congrats on the nuptial!

[Te]

Inherited assets are not marital assets, so you would have no claim to their parents’ assets as long as they are not commingled.

[Kara]

The in-laws can allay their own fears by putting their inheritance to their daughter in a trust in her name.

Then only she (not you) can access those funds when they become available.

The parents can do that on their own with their own lawyer (no second lawyer needed) and it doesn’t involve their daughter or you at this point.

If you want a prenup, you should consider the issues around that separately from the inheritance issue.

I hope these discussions don’t create too much stress and tension leading up to your happy day.

Congratulations on finding your person and starting your lives together.

[Joan]

This is odd. Your in-laws can set things up so that funds go to their child and not the “couple”.

The money wouldn’t be marital money unless commingled.

Also since the wedding is a month away, not sure a prenup would “stand” as it could later be argued that it was signed under duress of the upcoming nuptials…

[Author]

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