[USER]

What would you do….
I’m hoping someone can share their insights or what they would do (or have done) if they were in my situation.
Laid off in June 2023 after 11 years at same company.

Was (and probably still am) mentally burned out so did not look for jobs and instead became nomadic.

I would tell people I’m FIREd at the age of 35 so folks wouldn’t question my decision to not work.

During my time off I traveled and spent 8 months living with family outside of the US to care for relatives.

I returned to the US four months ago and have been staying with friends.

I’m finding myself mentally spiraling between needing to settle, cost to settle, the unknown of where to settle and need restart my career.

Looking at my savings I have sufficient cover for 3-4 more years but it’s not sufficient for life, especially if I have kids or want to buy a house.
I:
am struggling to find a job and don’t feel mentally fit to network or interview

am struggling to figure out where to live affordably given uncertainty associated with lease length in case a future job location is elsewhere.

Also struggle to rationalize cost to furnish what may be a temporary place

don’t have health insurance currently though will apply for 2025 coverage.

Given I am without a home, I’m only eligible in the state I have an ID from, which is $750 a month for most basic coverage and it wont cover me if I move to another state

don’t own a car which limits where I can live and without health insurance I am nervous to start driving

I have contamination OCD which makes staying in hotels, airbnbs and the like very unsettling and a chore to find
don’t have family or a family home in the US that I can escape to

I believe I’m sacrificing a lot to avoid costs associated with making a new place a home given I don’t know where home should be.

To some extent I could go back to where I used to live, although it is not affordable and I mostly disliked living there, especially in winter.

But It won’t need me to have a car and most of my friends are still there.

My goal is to find a job but instead I spend endless hours trying to figure out where to live.

If you read all this, thank you, please be kind, I’ve already beat myself up countless hours trying to get out from my woes

[Nancy]

Sounds like you’re really struggling. I know how it feels to be paralyzed when it comes to big decisions, or even small ones…and completing tasks.

Here’s an idea…sorry if it seems over- simplified or dumb. But sometimes getting started is the hardest part.

Tomorrow pick three locations you’d be willing to live. Just three. Apply to three jobs at each location. See what happens.

[Tom]

I once was between jobs, couldn’t fine one I liked. Was living in a tent on the national forest. Ended up doing day labor, then starting my own repair business with a few hand tools.

Met my future wife and she started a landscaping business with 3 hoses and a shovel.

Fast forward a couple three decades and we are comfortably retired in a home we built on 40 acres.

Intentionality is a powerful thing.

[Stef]

I think you need to get mental health treatment asap. Even without insurance.

Improving your mental state would make your best options more clear.

[Keisha]

I think you should go where you have a support system. Even if it is for a short period of time. It seems you may need that support while you figure out what your next steps are.

Make a list of what you want to accomplish and places you feel most comfortable within your means.

Set timeliness for yourself on each item. Don’t furnish any place until you’ve settled.

Sometimes, you have to accept a job that is below your skill set until you feel well enough to work in your field.

Burnout is real and can be detrimental to your mental, physical, and emotional health.

Also, it sounds like you’re trying to resolve all of your life’s questions at one time.

No one can do that so stop being so hard on yourself and take it one day at a time.

The small successes will lead you to larger ones and you’ll start to feel better about everything.

[Linda]

Go get a job at a coffee shop or at a hardware store while you’re figuring what to do with life. You need to get out of the house and be with those that are struggling to make ends meet.

Meet people and try to be social.

This job is not about making money bc you say you have 3-4 years of funds; it’s about getting out of your rut so you can start thinking clearly in your head.

Go get a job that will provide you with insurance.

Buy a used car in cash so you get around and be mobile!

You are not in a position right now to even think about having babies, or buying a house.

Or move back overseas and figure out what to do there.

Maybe your funds will last longer but it still doesn’t change your reality and self-esteem.

[Chelsea]

Just a quick note, but your insurance shouldn’t be $750/mo without significant income.

You should be eligible for Medicaid and if not, subsidies with the ACA.

[Tracey]

That’s a lot. I think you need to “compartmentalize” and focus on solving one issue at a time. Consider buying a used minivan or camper that you can sleep/travel in.

That way you can be mobile, avoid the contamination OCD concerns, have flexibility in your job search, and have ur own space; there are a lot of examples where people have converted the vans to living space and use the gym, campground, YM/CA, etc. to shower.

Can you get a P.O. box near family/friends or use one of their addresses for healthcare and/or mail? What kind of work do you do?

You could do Gig work like house/dog sitting, graphic/computer, etc. via Task Rabbit, Gig Spot, and others.

Do you need to stay in the U.S.? A lot of expats are living in Bali, Thailand, Mexico, and other countries, working/running businesses remotely and where cost of living is very low.

Last, but definitely not least, make your mental health a priority — whether you need therapy, meds (mood, focus), meditation, etc., get help.

Take it one day at a time. Peace and blessings.

[Chrissy]

Honestly I would invest in therapy. Not for any bad reason. But because you’re at a complex crossroads and quite clearly stated a high degree of burnout and emotional difficulty.

That’s what I would do first before making any significant decisions.

[Jon]

Get a job asap. The longer you wait and make excuses the harder it will be.

I have struggled with mental health and the mantra I say to myself every night is – no one is coming to save you, no one is coming to protect you.

[Mindi]

I’ve spent that last 15 years trying to figure where I want to move to, so you’re definitely not alone in that aspect.

I can commiserate but can’t give any advice since I’m in the same boat. Looking forward to seeing what others have to say.

To answer some of your other questions, since you don’t have any income I’m pretty sure you qualify for Medicaid which is free.

Why are you nervous to drive without health insurance?

If you get in an accident your car insurance pays for it.

[Edu]

Your goal should be to find the most suitable job and move wherever it’s located.

[Sue]

Agree with others to attend to mental health – meant with generosity and kindness. And wondering if it might be worth considering if you have skills to set up micro business or consultancy.

Preferably one that can be done online.

Or have multiple income generating ‘side hustles’ you can do online. This will take the pressure off where you live.

And in terms of furnishing your home, when you decide, temporary or not, use FB Marketplace to pick up extraordinarily cheap decent furniture.

And put your germ OCD ‘to good use’ giving items purchased a scrub. But essentials like bedding, buy brand new – obviously.

Wishing you all the best. Burn out is crap

[Scott]

You already have your answer you just don’t want to face it.
Suck it up and get back to work.

Sounds like you’re more depressed to me than anything else. Maybe a little lazy sprinkled in there. You’re dragging your feet.

Pick a place to live and see if you enjoy it. You’ll never find the perfect place.

Go Find a job and work towards Fire, looks like you’re already decent with money.

Go be awesome for 5 years and actually achieve FIRE

[Britney]

Consider a job at starbucks or any place you can work PT but still qualify for insurance. It can float your costs and afford you therapy.

Also, you say you have 3-4 years savings, consider buying a small SUV, living out of it, and traveling.

You can keep it as clean as you want and take seasonal work. People get burnt out and stuck.

It’s just hard to navigate the first time. It might be time to go back to school or pick up a new skill set in a lower cost area that you find rewarding.

I think inaction only adds to the frustration sometimes. Consider small, doable actions that can build some momentum for you.

Good luck

[Lisa]

Maybe invest in a tiny home, that you could park near family. And seek therapy. Did you file for unemployment?

[Kiera]

Reach out to everyone you know, especially professionals that you liked working with and tell them you are looking for a fulfilling career doing whatever your heart desires.

Explain that you are willing too look into opportunities anywhere.

See what happens.

[Nhu]

It sounds like you’re looking for your why. You are by yourself in the states. You worked hard for a job only to be laid off after a long time with the company.

You are not ready to work in a similar capacity again.

You don’t want to go back to where you used to live either. But in a few years, your savings will run out and you need to decide now what to do.

Somebody suggested that you get a day job while figuring things out. That’s a good idea. Don’t feel the rush to decide what to do immediately.

For now, you can work at a restaurant, rent a room, and take buses to work. You will not get 100% coverage, but at least some from the employer.

You can also move back to be near your family and find a local job to pay for living expenses. You can sell things on Amazon, ebay, Etsy, and etc.

If you hadn’t been laid off, would you have continued to work for the company?

Have you been questioning your trajectory for a while, or did you only start thinking after the layoff?

What has been brewing in the background? Were you happy and more relaxed during your stay with the family?

Do you have a strong network of friends who support and help you in times of need (not necessarily financially, but emotionally).

Answering those questions may bring more clarity to what you should do next.

If you have not felt a sense of fulfilment in a while, it’s okay to change your environment to understand what it is you’re seeking.

[Author]

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