[USER]

I’m nearly a 33 year old man dating my 28 year old girlfriend and thinking of getting engaged sometime late next year.

Currently, I max out my 401k, Roth IRA, and HSA contributions yearly and then am investing $700 bi-weekly from my paychecks into FXAIX to save for a house sometime in 2027 if the market supports it.

I also currently rent and do not own a home.

What’s your financial advice for someone looking to get engaged in around a year?

Opinions on ring cost, wedding, and honeymoon expenses?

All advice welcome

[Stef]

Talk to her about what she would want… is she as fire minded as you?

[Dan]

Begin discussing finances and how you’ll combine them (or to what extent you will) as you get engaged and then married.

Financial transparency is one of the key predictors of success.

So do this well and that will help a bunch! Good luck to you and congrats! Exciting stuff ahead!

[Marie]

Ring cost – I recommend letting her pick it out as it’ll be something she will wear for a long time and should be something she loves (happy my hubby let me pick mine out and still going strong after 23 yrs).

[Jenny]

Make sure you are on the same page on finances, children, family, religion or how to navigate them.

If your net worth is substantially higher, think about a prenuptial agreement.

[Lindsey]

Lab grown diamond. You cannot tell the difference from a natural diamond with the naked eye & only fraction of cost.

Don’t buy it from typical diamond store because they’ll still way overcharge. Buy online.

[Cindy]

Our daughter was planning a wedding, then decided to elope! Too stressful and wasteful of money for her! Prices for weddings are out of control!

Her engagement ring is BIG and beautiful!

She is getting married on beach at sunset- no stress and no drama!

[Sarah]

I got married a few years ago. Sit down & figure out what “wedding” means to you.

Husband & I made a list of things that were most meaningful to us.

We realized things like flowers, venue, ceremony, etc. weren’t that important, but we wanted to celebrate our partnership with friends, family, and food, and we needed indoor/outdoor space b/c it was the middle of covid.

We ended up renting a (nice) restaurant and doing vows, followed by food & dancing on the patio.

10k total including food, servers, bar & bartender, photographer, flying in a few friends with $ issues (thx covid lol), etc…

We got $2 hematite rings to exchange. It was perfect – for us.

I have friends who eloped, friends who had a backyard wedding, friends who rented an all-inclusive venue, friends who spent $80k and had 200 people attend.

There is no one-size-fits all for weddings – you just need to sit down and figure out what works for you as a partnership.

Do NOT just go along with your family’s expectations, b/c that will cause so much stress and strain.

(Also, check out etsy for rings. We both use silicone rings for daily use, but there is some absolutely gorgeous handmade jewelry on there for extremely reasonable prices.)

[Jule]

Great job on setting a foundation. Keep it up!
I think one of the most important things you can do is to observe your girlfriend on her habits and see how you both align.

This means on health, family, financial and spiritual habits.

Have deep conversations on how you see those playing in the future and ensure that you both agree.

If you don’t, they could signal big problems in your marriage.

Don’t think you can change her. Rarely people change.

If you do align, amazing! You will be an unstoppable team once you get married.

[Rick]

Sounds like you are working on making yourself a solid partner financially. Protect that via a prenup.

You may want to check our Ramit Sethi’s rich life couples journal (I forget it’s actual name).

It’s a good way to learn more about each other financially.

Also consider continue to round out your qualities. Physical health never hurts.

Have or start soon some stress relieving hobbies.

Bonus if one of those hobbies also helps physical health.

Good luck with your plans. Oh and spend more on the after party than the wedding.

No one ever regrets that!

[Linda]

I came here to second the lab grown diamond. There is a lot of misunderstanding about them. They are not fake or cubic zirconia.

They are real diamonds, chemically identical to ones mined out of the ground. They are just grown in a lab.

Much less expensive, more politically responsible, and more perfect than mined diamonds. Also be careful about over spending on the wedding.

Its ok to have a party and a great day depending on what your preference is, just remember its only one day.

And on another topic have you had financial discussions?

Are you on the same page with the same or similar money habits and philosophies?

This is very important to know up front. Best of luck, Hope you have a lifetime of happiness!

[Michelle]

I told my husband to get my ring off Craig’s list. He had the certification paperwork and had it appraised.

It was about 1/5 of retail cost, and almost 9 years later I still love it.

Jewelry does NOT hold its value and it doesn’t get mileage, so if she’s FI minded she will love that idea.

[Roxanna]

A real diamond is a scam. No one but you two every need to know. No one will ever ask.

Start serious premarital counsel. Marriage is easy for the first couple years.

Once kids come along that shit gets hard hard hard for several years.

There is nothing wrong with prenuptial agreements. If done correctly they should protect you both.

EVERYONE thinks they will last forever and that’s a really nice thought but look at the statistics and understand that reality is in those numbers.

[Kitty]

Communication is everything.
Ring cost, wedding, honeymoon all fall under that.
Don’t be persuaded for anything out of your comfort zone – you’ll resent it.

Same thing for her! Don’t push her outside what she doesn’t want. It’s so important you’re aligned.

Congrats on the potential life partner – it’s the biggest decision you’ll make in your life! I’m married and I’m so happy every day to be married to such a great man.

Life is just more fun with him!

[Artricia]

Have a small wedding. No more than 3k on ring. Buy a house in a year.
I’ve been married 17 years.
Pre-marital counseling.
Get on same page about money /
Goal is debt free

[Mindi]

Make all of those decisions together and make sure your goals align. She should choose her own ring.

Everyone has their own unique taste when it comes to jewelry.

[Kelly]

List what’s important for you and see
If she matches your goals.

It’s ok to have more money/income/stabilty.
There is a lot of unpaid emotional labor running a household.

Keep that in mind.

Nice ring- tell her to point out what she likes.

Elope.

Reception party on a Friday or Sunday to save costs.

[Sarah]

Doesn’t work for everyone, but worked for us and 2+ decades on, we’re still ridiculously thrilled with our lives: got engaged and planned to hold the wedding 3 months later.

about a month before the wedding we saw a jewelry store that had a “Everything’s on Sale!” sandwich board out front- picked out 2 simple gold bands.

Got married in my favorite pasture on the farm where I grew up. Invited 60-ish folks for our wedding camp-out/games weekend.

Friends offered to cook- we said yes, didn’t care about the menu as long as there was something everyone could eat.

Musician friends played bluegrass. I bought a coral-colored timeless linen dress that I have worn to many other events/weddings in the past 20 years.

Husband wore jeans (as did most of the guests) and a button-down shirt.

Our parents/friends had many ideas on what we “should” do, to which we replied, “Thank you! We’ll take that into consideration.” And then we did exactly what we wanted.

Entire thing, all expenses, cost just under $1,200, and we didn’t even know about FI. Best wedding I’ve ever been to.

[Damaso]

I feel like we have had this discussion before. It’s going to be all over the place but I will still give you my take.

Your girl will dictate all of the following decisions. You need to ask her what she wants.

Once she tells you what she wants, then you can move forward with a game plan on how to get there.

Good luck!!!!

[Jeanne]

Specifically on the ring, wedding, honeymoon, we kept it all really low key.

Simple (non diamond) ring, back yard wedding, honeymoon in our van climbing and mountain biking our way across the American west.

I’ve been to several six figure weddings and always think, this is one night and it could have been their down payment – or entire home depending on where you live.

We travel a good amount and don’t like worrying about jewelry – I often think if we lived near the beach I wouldn’t wear a ring at all.

I’m so happy we kept things simple because it helped us prioritize money for our longterm priorities and I don’t regret spending money that in hindsight isn’t important to our goals.

We are now 8 years in our marriage, own 3 houses, and 2/3 of the way to fi.

Saving money up front helped us get to a point where we can either work part time or not at all in a few years and really prioritize parenting our young kids.

[Author]

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